Dr. Dowasure watched his angel with a smile on his face.
"There y'are! I've been waitin' all day for you t'show up. Where y'been?"
"I don't really remember right now." Dr. Dowasure shrugged helplessly. "I don't think it was important, anyway."
His angel had dispensed with the wings and halo that he used to be fond of. The two both knew why.
"Shouldn't worry me like that, Doc."
"It was an accident."
His angel held out his arms. "C'mere then."
Dr. Dowasure found himself laughing as he shook his head. "No, not this time."
His angel stared at him in confusion. In a swift movement, he turned and began to run. He laughed over his shoulder.
"You're going to have to catch me!"
There was a pause as his angel processed what had happened, then laughed himself. "Y'can try an' run, but y'can't get away!"
Dr. Dowasure giggled playfully as he ducked behind a wall. He could see the entire area lighting up with a purplish-blue light. He tried to muffle his laughter as his angel walked about in the hallway, talking loudly.
"Come out, come out, wherever y'are, Doc!"
Dr. Dowasure had to put a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud.
"I can do this all day. But why waste time?"
Dr. Dowasure watched the purple-blue field of energy that was associated with his angel creep around his corner. He let it wrap around him.
"A ha!"
He found himself almost completly paralyzed as his angel brought him towards him, the energy causing him to float above the ground, much as his angel did.
"Yer a sneaky one, Doc. But y'should know better then try an' hide from me."
He, at some strange level, enjoyed the feeling of being completly within his angel's power. "I just thought I'd be a little more interesting..."
"Yer always interestin', Doc." His angel smiled at him as the energy disappeared, dropping him. His angel caught him easily. "Y'don't have t'do stuff like this."
"I just wanted to have some fun." Still being held in his arms, Dr. Dowasure smirked as his angel looked mock-offended.
"What? 'M not fun now?"
"Oh, I didn't mean that exactly..." Dr. Dowasure enjoyed teasing his angel like this. He watched as he continued to look more offended, although he couldn't hide his smile.
"If that's what y'want, Doc, I can be lots of fun."
Gently putting him down, his angel barely seemed to flick his eyes towards the area around them, transforming the surroundings around them into the usual lavish bedchamber. Dr. Dowasure put his hands behind his back and looked upwards.
"Oh really?" He smiled.
"Now yer just teasin' me, Doc." His angel pointed at him. "Not that I can't do th' same, y'know."
Despite the fact that the dream they were currently in was mainly Dr. Dowasure's, he had no true power over it. His angel was the one that was able to control the fabric of dreams, not he. So it only took a flick of his wrist to completly disable Dr. Dowasure entirely, leaving him so he couldn't move at all.
Very slowly, his angel approached him, using his intimidating height and frightening, yet beautiful, eyes to instill a kind of shaky fear and anticipation in Dr. Dowasure that he often found so fascinating. Knowing that he had this effect, his angel played it to the hilt, allowing tiny claws to appear from his fingertips, then fade away just before they touched his soft face. Allowing him some small amount of movement, Dr. Dowasure shivered as his angel laughed softly.
"See, Doc? I tease different tho', as y'should know."
"I know..." He barely managed to force his voice to speak. It was shaky and soft with strong, yet conflicting emotions of fear and desire.
"Hmm...that's enough playin' in my opinion, tho', Doc." His angel grabbed his arm quickly, although not harshly. The simple swiftness of the movement caused him to gasp. Using his powers to augment his strength, his angel easily threw the doctor onto the large bed in the center of the room, watching the effect it had on him.
Dr. Dowasure smirked as he layed on his back, putting his hands near his face submissively. He waited for a few moments before saying words that he knew his angel could never get enough of. "Please...don't hurt me."
He knew that his angel was rather rough in his ways, although this didn't bother him. He, on some level, enjoyed it. Although others often exerted power over him, none of them gave him the thrill that his angel did. So it was when his angel was showing his power, through whatever ways possible, that he found him the most attractive. He knew that his angel would never truly hurt him, but the possibility was enough to never cause his heart to slow when in his presence.
"God, Doc!" His angel was over him quickly, holding him in his arms as her seemed barely able to restrain himself from covering him with kisses. "Y'know that drives me crazy. What're you, nuts?"
"Maybe..." He still couldn't move very much, being at his angel's mercy, something that he always found thrilling, as his angel gently touched his face, brushing away the hair that constantly hung there. With quiet authority, he removed his doctor's glasses and threw them off to one side, where they vanished before they hit the ground.
"Now y'can only see me, Doc. How's that?"
"Do I have to answer?"
Pulling off his labcoat jerkily, his angel continued speaking in his rough, yet to Dr. Dowasure, soothing voice. "Yer so crazy, Doc...sayin' that kind've stuff...y'know what mood that gets me in..."
"Of course I do, that's why-"
He didn't get very far when his angel kissed him rather hard on the lips, stopping his words dead sentence. Lost in his roiling emotions, he almost was unaware when his angel pulled away.
"What y'doin' tryin' t'talk t'me now, Doc? I ain't in th'mood t'talk." His accent was slowly getting worse as his words ran together faster and faster. Throwing the now removed labcoat to one side, his angel removed his own shirt. Uncontrollably, small feathered wings still seemed to be present on his angel's back. Apparently, that aspect of the entire struggle had never truly left him, nor the desire to become an angel, so the small wings stayed. They were more for decoration then actual use, and Dr. Dowasure had often commented that he found them cute, which just seemed to always annoy his angel.
Using his strength, he pushed him down underneath him rather roughly, causing him to gasp again involuntarily. Reaching one of his hands upwards gently, Dr. Dowasure brushed his fingers against the collection of letters that had been burned into his angel's shoulder. Smiling again, he watched his angel's expression. Again, he looked very submissive and almost frightened, watching as his angel smirked at him again.
"Y'better not-"
"Just don't hurt me..." He could not stop the smile in his voice, glad that something he could do always had such an effect on him. His angel shook his head, his beautiful white and purple hair brushing Dr. Dowasure's own as his body began to shake almost imperceptively.
"Ah, now you've done it, Doc. Yer in for it now."
"I hope so-"
That was the last sentence he would be able to form in quite some time.

~~~

"WAKE UP!"
"Mmph..."
When entranced in dreams of that nature, Dr. Dowasure was very hard to wake. This had become increasingly annoying to those around him. Particularly Dr. Kagakusha.
"You stupid idiot, what are you doing? Don't you have any work to do?"
Slowly, he sat up, rubbing his eyes. Searching blindly for his glasses, he was able to identify that it was Dr. Kagakusha by the large red-brown blur in front of him that was her hair. "What?"
"Honestly, if Prof. Denka knew how much you sleep, I don't think he'd be happy. You've been asleep for the last few hours! Don't you remember what you were supposed to be doing?"
As customary to his nature, Dr. Dowasure didn't. He replaced his glasses and stared at the woman quizzically, wondering how to placate her.
"Um..."
"I bet you don't, considering that horrible memory of yours." She sighed and crossed her arms in frustration. "Why they keep you here I don't know..."
She said that often, so he generally ignored her statement. Finally, he decided he might as well tell the truth.
"What was I doing?"
She made an angry noise and gestured to the keyboard he had been sleeping on. "Remember? You're sequencing the genes for the experiment with A and C! You're going to be the downfall of this facility someday..." She muttered to herself. Dr. Dowasure looked at the screen.
"A and C?"
"In case you've forgotten this TOO..." Her tone was disgusted. "We're going to perform an experiment between A's genes and C to see what happens when the two combine."
Worry crossed Dr. Dowasure's face. "What should it do?"
"I don't know. Perhaps give him a less human appearance? That's the entire point of the experiment." She seemed frustrated with Dr. Dowasure's stupidity. "That's why we're doing it."
"Do we have to do this?" Concern for his angel's welfare crossed his mind. Dr. Kagakusha sighed, then was silent for some time.
"Wait...I'll ask Prof. Denka. I just thought we should do it before..."
"Before what?"
For once her anger disappeared. "Never mind. Just write down the sequence. I'll be back after I check this with Prof. Denka."
She walked out, leaving Dr. Dowasure confused. Apparently she hadn't considered the fact that this experiment wasn't necessary. He knew from experience that Dr. Kagakusha generally only cared about an experiment, living more for the joy of doing one then the actual research and such involved with it. The thought of an experiment, particularly one as unpredictable as this one, would not be necessary had obviously and expectedly not occured to her.
He leaned back and sighed. He found his mind wandering to his angel, wondering what he was doing.

~~~

As it was, he was completely unaware that the doctor had exited the dream. Usually, he as able to tell quite quickly when another consciousness detached from his own. This time, however, he did not.
Later on, when he considered this, he would find this an almost sure sign of outside tampering, but at the moment he was sleeping rather blissfully, completely satisified, next to the body of his love.
It may seem strange to some, the thought of sleeping within a dream. After all, you ARE sleeping while you dream, are you not? What is the point of sleeping further within the one realm where most, at least, have control?
Many think of sleeping purely in physiological terms. They don't consider the psychological.
He had slept by himself for most of his life. In fact, for almost a third of his current life he had spent sleeping within some kind of liquid. Throughout this entire period, whether it was sleeping suspended in liquid or curled in the corner of a metal room in all aspects, he couldn't help but feel that he was being cheated out of something. Not rest, not dreams. His dreams were usually images and feelings, brief and intense and usually quite satisfying. At least, that's what they were until he merged consciousness with the doc. Then his dream would actually achieve some level of coherency to other, more human lifeforms.
Although he may have only been half-human, he was still a social animal. He desired company at night, he desired someone to sleep next to him who would share warmth and love with him. Sleeping peacefully, with your arm around their waist and pressed extremely close, as he was at the moment, was one of the greatest psychological pleasures he had ever experienced.
Excepting the activities of the last half an hour or so. But that was purely physical activity that was meant to be pleasureable, so he didn't really consider that part of the argument.
Around this time he realized that he could not possibly be sleeping if he was having a mental debate with himself and, opening his eyes, discovered that he was correct.
Looking around, he noted that the surroundings around him had changes sharply. Instead of the lush room that he had once been inhabiting, he was now in a stark, white space. He tapped his foot, but knew that he couldn't touch the floor anyway. He simply had to assume on the fact that he was standing up that he was standing on the floor.
White in almost every direction. An endless expanse that made him feel very small.
He was almost worried until he noticed a small black speck in the disance to his right. Curious, he decided to forego walking compeletly and simply floated at a good rate towards the speck.
It grew in size as he approached, but not by much. It twisted slightly here and there and seemed to be somewhat thin as well.
He gently came to rest next to the black speck, which was no longer a black speck but a long black ponytail.
He kneeled near the doc's prone form. He was completely naked. He also wasn't breathing, as far as he could tell.
"Doc'...?"
He shook the doctor's frail ribcage gently. He didn't respond.
"Doc', what's wrong? What happened?"
He noticed, with a sudden noise of alarm, that the skin he was touching didn't have the slight warmth that it normally exuded. Instead, it was cold.
A cold that burned through his body inside and out until it finally settled in his eyes. He could barely see as he blinked. He saw a crystal fall, but he didn't see it land.
"Doc', c'mon..."
With sudden speed he straddled the doctor and put his arms underneath his chest, lifting upwards. There was no resistance to his motion. There was no resistance period. The doctor's head flopped back brokenly, his arms angled awkwardly onto the ground, not completely following the body in their upward trajectory.
A quick glance near the doc's hand proved a small glimmer of light. Broken glass. His glasses.
"Doc', what happened? Doc, answer me! Who did this? Doc? Doc!"
The doctor's hair, which had always flared about with a life of it's own, echoing it's owner, was now lying listlessly on the floor. The ponytail itself had sprawled across the floor, almost like it itself had been killed. It dragged on the floor when he shook him gently, panic filling his heart and making it ache so much that another crystal thudded against the doctor's chest.
"Doc! Doc! C'mon, wake up! I know yer okay, y'got t'be okay, Doc, I wouldn't let anythin' ever happen t'you ever...c'mon Doc, don't play with me like this."
The small, metallic-blue band that held the doctors hair snapped. Instead of flaring about madly like his hair normally would have when freed, the hair simply continued it's downward fall. Like a perpetually falling curtain of thin strands, no longer moving, no longer seemingly endowed with a life of their own.
"Doc...!"
He slid his hand upwards until his hand was entangled in the doctor's hair, holding his head upwards. He stared at the doctor's closed eyes, expecting them to open at any moment, twinkling with their usual inquisitive, bright, innocent spark that made him so endearing, so easy to love...
And as he had said once...so easy to hurt...
"Doc, y'can't do this t'me..."
He continued staring at his closed eyes, feeling his own vision blurring, more crystals falling at an accelerated rate. He could feel his muscles failing him, shaking with fear or sadness, but he wasn't sure which. He could barely keep his voice stable.
"Doc, open yer eyes..."
What had happened...?
He pressed his hand to the still bodies heart, hoping to anything available he could hear his doctor's heart, beating quickly with the excitement he perpetually felt...
A dull silence thundered within his ears and he could hear a great rushing around him. Unaware of doing so, he let loose a strange noise, holding the body close to him as if he could bring it back to it's lost life.
"Wha' happened..." Small murmurings, barely words at all, that escaped his mouth through some miracle. "Wha' happened when I wasn't here...when wasn't I here...?"
He could feel something happening. He turned his clouded eyes upwards and found a small screen, hovering in midair with nothing around that he could see to power it.
Normally, this would have surprised him. But all emotion had been drained from him in this horrific discovery.
The screen flickered on.
"Complication..." A voice read, a mechanical one that was intended to sound female but instead sounded like neither male nor female, but some ingratiating noise inbetween. "In the M-2 series..."
He stared at the screen, blinking at the crystals that slid down the doctor's back.
"Due to the strange genetic structure of all beings in the M-2 line of experimentations, there are slight complications."
"Com'cations?" The word barely made it's way free.
"Complication equals thus. Because of the altered genetic structure of the M-2 line of experimentations, any interaction between the two strains of genes could be problematic."
"Wha'...?"
"Example. M-2 Specimen C."
He held the cold body closer to him, trying to warm it, not sure of whether he wanted to hear this or not but knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it.
"M-2 Specimen C has been found to be the host of a specific virus, yet to be named, that only M-2 Specimen C's unique genetic structure can pacify. This virus is stored within the reproductive center of the subjects body."
Realization dawned on him like a sun dawning on a dead planet. It still burned.
"This virus resides there and most likely will reside there until the subject's death. The complication that arises is this. If this virus were ever to somehow be removed from C and transmitted into a human being, or any other kind of lifeform, for that matter, that lifeform-"
"Doc..."
"Would be terminated."
Severe spasms shook his body like the interior of a forming planet forming continents then ripping them apart again then forming them again. All his muscles were beyond his control and his mind was slowly spiraling away.
"This complication has yet to be fixed. It can be removed, but it has been decided it is more useful within C's body, considering that the subject could be used as breeding material in the future for any other M-2 experimentations."
"Doc, doc, doc...for th' love of god..."
"Therefore, this complication has not been recitified. Program run complete."
The screen flickered out and disappeared, much like any sense of himself that he had at that moment did.
His voice was able to be heard now. Only by him. But it had chosen to free itself from it's relative captivity it had in the last few minutes.
"Doc, no...no...I love you, Doc...."'
More spasms shook his body and he felt a swift exhalation of air rip out of his chest. A sob.
"This wasn't s'posed t'happen...no...what did I ever do..."
He couldn't understand. His whole existence was a joke, he knew that, he had been told that many times, but now...to have caused the death of the one he loved...to have done this...what had he done to deserve this level of torment? What heinous crime had he commited that had graduated him to this level of hideous pain?
"This 's all m'fault..."
He felt his body convulsively rocking back and forth, taking the doctor's dead body along with him, refusing to believe that the construct of bones and flesh, now silent, was no longer the young, innocent, energetic doctor that he so loved.
"'M so sorry..."
This went beyond all imagining.
"Doc, please open yer eyes..."
Another racking thud of air tore itself out of his body with such suddenness that he felt a cry of surprise come unbidden from his chest. He could hear glass breaking so much it sounded as if someone had dropped a brick into a long series of windows.
A constant stream of crystals shattering, tiny fragments scattering to the place farthest from which they came.
"Please..."
He held the doctor's chest to his own, wishing that some miracle would allow his heart to restart the other, nonfunctioning one. He wanted his warmth to flow back into him and for the doctor to open his eyes once again and say those words which he never tired of...not from his mouth...
"I love you..."
He woke screaming.

~~~

"I still don't understand why..." Dr. Dowasure protested weakly, unable to fully express his opinions on the matter for many reasons, but the primary one at the moment being that he was talking to Prof. Denka, who had an amazing ability to remove any self-confidence that Dr. Dowasure by some miracle could build. "Why do we have to do that...?"
"It's all research, you know that." Prof. Denka had yet to be severely annoyed, but he was well on his way. He wasn't even looking at the other doctor, instead staring steadily into the wall, sipping from a cup he was holding with both hands.
"Research for what...?" Dr. Dowasure's voice lowered in volume again. "We've already begun work on D...why do we need to torme...why do we need to hu..." He struggled to find a word that wouldn't incriminate him, but found Prof. Denka's eyes pinning his own and stopping all his attempts to say anything.
"If there's one thing that you have to remember, Dowasure, it's that C is NOT human. You can't think of him as human. You can't think of anything we work with as human or else you cease to be a scientist."
Prof. Denka turned his eyes back to the wall, a tinge of sadness forming. "If you do get attached, that only makes it more painful when the inevitable circumstances of experimentation result in..."
He shook his head. "Result in whatever they result in."
"I know..." Dr. Dowasure struggled to keep his words believable. "I know that we shouldn't care and I...I...I don't, but I just want to know why we have to work on C when we're already finished with him..."
"Well, look at it this way." Prof. Denka sipped from his cup again, not looking at the other doctor. "We're going to kill C at some point when we've learned all we have from him. That's what we have to do, kill or incapacitate them so they don't present a danger to the rest of the populace should they get free. Before he dies-"
"Or gets incapacitated...." Dr. Dowasure was shivering. He hadn't realized this important fact. His angel may die. And there was nothing he could do...
He had to get him incapacitated instead, however that was possible.
Prof. Denka nodded slowly. "Or gets incapacitated, we may as well learn all we can from him. This experiment is part of that."
"Well...what is this experiment for...? What's it supposed to find out?"
"The compatability between the gene lines." Prof. Denka finally turned and faced Dr. Dowasure, putting his cup down. "You know that each of the M-2 series has one link, but other then that are completely different."
Dr. Dowasure nodded slowly.
"We need to find out HOW different and whether or not they could sustain further mingling of their genes."
Dr. Dowasure looked down.
"Will it..." He thought about what he was going to say and realized that it would just get him a repeat of the previous lecture on inpassivity that he had gotten before. He rephrased himself. "Will it kill them?"
Prof. Denka shrugged. "I very much doubt it. There are some odds of some kind of incompatability that may present complications, but I doubt it. I think it should go okay for both."
"What will it do for them?"
Prof. Denka turned away again. "It depends."

~~~

Sleeping on your desk again...
He turned, following his ponytail and found himself in a large expanse of white. He thought carefully to himself, but could remember nothing.
Prof. Denka would love to see that, wouldn't he...?
It blinked in his mind. After Prof. Denka had talked to him, he had sent him to go do...something...and he must have fallen asleep again.
He then began to wonder what the voice had been that had been speaking to him.
Turning around again, he saw nothing. He looked up, down, and in every which direction, but they all yielded the same result. Nothing.
He looked around and also noticed that his angel wasn't present. This worried him. Usually his angel was always present in his dreams. This was unusual and this did not make him feel at ease.
Whenever Dr. Dowasure did not felt at ease, he would usually curl into a ball and wait for it to pass, which was exactly what he did at the moment. He sat down, hugged his knees, and buried his face in the crooks of his elbows, waiting for his unease to pass, hopefully because his angel would come.
He stayed this way for several minutes and, sensing that nothing would happen, he chanced a look.
He wasn't in a blank expanse anymore.
He was in a room.
Confused, he stood and looked around. This wasn't a room that he knew...it wasn't one in the facility or one that he and his angel had created. This was something completely different and it confused him. He held one hand to his mouth and continued to look around.
Hand...?
He stared at his now revealed hands. He normally wore clothing large enough to cover them, but now they were bare...he followed his own arm downwards and found that the covering resumed once again at his elbow.
A t-shirt...he was wearing a t-shirt...how did that happen? Thinking to himself, the finally decided that it must be the shirt that he wore underneath his labcoat. Which meant his labcoat had disappeared somewhere, which was alarming. This wasn't nearly as alarming as discovering that he wasn't wearing any pants either.
Looking around quickly to see if the room was still as bare as it had been when it had started, he crouched down and covered himself as best as he could with his shirt. He could feel heat rising to his face, the sure signs that he was beginning to blush.
"Hello? Is anyone there?" he called out, not sure who would have removed his clothing if it wasn't him. He looked around cautiously, remembering the last bad experiences he had had with dreams that didn't have his angel in them.
He remained curled on the floor until finally something began to appear. He stared as a shape began to materialize on the bed, taking the form of his angel.
But this wasn't him...not exactly...he was wearing different clothes and his hair was in a different style and there was just something about him that seemed somewhat wrong...Dowasure couldn't quite place what it was. At the moment, he was just rather glad that his angle didn't have large demonic wings or horns coming from his body like the last twisted apparition of him had posessed.
"Boku no tenshi..." Dr. Dowasure stared at his angel, sitting quietly, not looking in his direction. He was rather startled that he had used Japanese...he didn't know Japanese.
"Mm?" His angel turned slowly and seemed to notice him for the first time. "Oh, 's you."
Dr. Dowasure stood weakly, trying to keep his shirt pushed downwards and stifle the blush on his face at the same time, and stared at his angel, who was now reclining fully and staring at the ceiling. His voice didn't sound quite the same...
"What y'starin' at me for?" He turned towards him, a touch of annoyance in his voice. Dr. Dowasure stepped back, startled. His angel had never taken a tone like that with him before and it reminded him disturbingly of Prof. Denka. "What d'you want?"
"I...I..."
"Doc, look." His angel sat upwards, staring him directly in the eyes. "'M only askin' a simple question. 'S it really that hard?"
Dr. Dowasure wasn't sure how to phrase what he wanted and what he expected from dreams with his angel in them so only continued to stammer. His angel put a hand in his hair, looking down and sighing.
"Look, Doc, I know y'got this thin' for me, but this has got t'stop."
Dr. Dowasure stopped moving entirely and stared at him in blank confusion.
"'M sick of havin' y'use me as a thin' t'cry on all th' time, 'm sick of havin' t'listen t'yer problems. 'M jus'..." His angel shook his head and turned away from him. "'M tired of you. Leave me alone..."
Dr. Dowasure struggled to find any words that he could possibly say as he stepped forward. "Tired of me...?"
"When it first started it was good, Doc, don't get me wrong." He didn't turn to face him. "That was a while ago, tho'. Thin's have changed, I'VE changed, an' yer not what I need anymore."
Dr. Dowasure put a hand on his chest, where his heart was beating faster and faster every moment. He felt tears rising in his eyes. "But....but I...I need you..."
"That's jus' it, Doc, y'need me but I don't need YOU."
Dr. Dowasure sank to the floor, hot tears falling from his eyes. Unable to speak anymore, he only sobbed to himself.
"Sorry 'bout all this, but y'got t'learn t'get over it an' move on. 'M out've here..." His angel stood and walked a short distance away, so that Dr. Dowasure's quaking back was only a few feet behind him.
"So give me one more chance..." Dr. Dowasure felt his own voice, strained and thin with sorrow, coming from someplace within his body. "Darling, if you care for me..."
His angel paused and tapped his foot, as if impatient to begin moving again. Dr. Dowasure continued to sing the words to a song he had never heard.
"Let me win your love..." Dr. Dowasure turned to see if the song had any affect on his angel, who had also turned and was staring down at him. "'Cause you were always there for me..."
With a convulsive sob and sharp, shaky motions, Dr. Dowasure moved and grasped his angel's legs, sobbing into the rough fabric of his jeans. He held on as if one movement would allow his angel to escape.
"If you care for me...be there for me..."
"God, let go, Doc! Let go!" His angel struggled to get his legs free, but Dr. Dowasure was holdin on with all the power his weak, grief-stricken body could muster. His angel stepped backwards, kicking as best as he could while still restrained. A sharp blow to his collarbone was enough to cause Dr. Dowasure to release his grip with a gasping cry of pain.
He had hurt him...his angel had promised that he would never do that...he had willfully caused him pain...like so many before him had...he had hurt him...hurt him...
It was so easy...
He said he wouldn't do that...he would never hurt him, he said he would keep him safe, never let anyone touch him, always be there for him...he had hurt him...kicked him...his protector had hurt him...
Nothing was true...everything had been a lie...his angel had lied to him...he had lied to him...
Pain shot through his body that was more then just physical. The sense of betrayal and anguish was flooding his body so that he could barely see, the feeling of loss inexorable. He had trusted so much in his angel because he believed that he would never leave him alone, would never do this to him...because so many had left him before, so many had left him and hurt him and took advantage of him...so many had done that...and his angel had not, so he had put all his love, all his hurting feelings, everything he believed in was culminated in his angel...
And he had lied to him...he had hurt him...
This betrayal hurt far more then any other he had ever experienced. This burned inside his chest and made his heart ache dully. A burning fire raged in his eyes, causing tears to fall constantly, as he tried to accept mentally that he had lied to him...to accept the fact that everything he had believed in was now totally destroyed...that everything was gone...
He had nothing now, the one he had trusted with his life had thrown him away, cast him aside. His life had no meaning...he had nothing...just when he thought he was safe, it was torn away from him again...like it always had been throughout his entire life.
A horrific realization was building on the horizon of his mind that he did not want to recognize. The horrifying thought that perhaps there would never truly be a place where he could be safe...that he would be doomed to a life where he would only be continously hurt, with no one to ever save him, hold him, tell him that everything would be okay...to be doomed to a life of lonliness because it was so much easier to hurt then to love...
He was going to live his life alone, to live a life of pain with no end, no relief, because no one could love him...no one would love him...he didn't deserve to be loved...if he did, why was this happening?
He fought against these thoughts, trying with all the power in his body to stop thinking these thoughts, but the inexorable truth of them continued to pound inside his mind, forcing them to the front of his thoughts, forcing more tears from the stream that was already falling.
He no longer could be himself with his angel...because his angel had become one of them...those who hurt him, one of those who would never listen to him, never know him...never let him be himself...he no longer could be himself...he no longer would have anything...he no longer would have a safe haven where he could let his real personality come through...his real personality only appeared when threats to his safety were gone...his real self only appeared when it knew it was safe...and now, nothing was safe...his angel wasn't safe anymore...his angel didn't care for him anymore...his angel only wanted to hurt him...
Never again would he know the touch of his angels hands on his face when he was crying, the gentle brush of his fingertips against his nose when he removed his glasses, his lips pressed against his own when he was weak, his comforting words when he was vulnerable, his body pressed against his own, the only time he felt like he was worth ANYthing...the only time he felt that had amounted to anything in this world, that all his suffering would stop for just a few precious moments, that everything would finally be resolved, that there was nothing but THEM, sharing everything, sharing all that they had, and he could tell him everything, tell him how he felt, and not be called a fool...not be called immature, not hurt for his feelings, for his opinions...for the burning desire within him to be loved, to be wanted, for the pain to stop...the unquenchable thirst for acceptance...that his angel had once been so glad to give...his angels desire for him making him feel as though he was worth something, that his weakness was not all-consuming, that he had some redeeming value...
All shattered, everything taken away from him. Everything was lie...all the nights spent together, everything he had ever told him...all a lie...
He would love him forever...that was a lie...
Curling and holding the newly forming bruise in his hand, he stared fearfully upwards at his angel, his trust fading so quickly that he could barely remember who his angel used to be. He couldn't remember anything except that he had hurt him...and he might do it again...he had to be cautious...he had to...be frightened...of him...
His angel seemed to debate saying something, but eventually only turned and walked away. He watched him walk away slowly, staring with unbelieving eyes, unable to comprehend what had happened, how much he had trusted so much had just been destroyed.
"Here is the lesson I learned..." Dr. Dowasure's voice was quavery, due to his injury and the tears that fell from his eyes. "You play with fire and you'll get...burned..."
He knew he didn't sing the last line, but it came from somewhere in his voice.
"Here is the lesson I've learned...you don't know what you've got 'til it's...gone..."
His angel closed the door behind him with a click.
Dr. Dowasure curled into a ball and began sobbing hysterically.
When he woke up, his face was wet, his breath was tight, and his labcoat was gone. Sitting straight upwards, he found that he had wrestled so much in his dream that his coat had fallen off completely. At the thought of his dream, he began crying again, disregarding the fact that the world of dreams and the world of reality were, in most occasions, unrelated.