Get   a   Clue!

(By "Thanks fer da idea, BFG" Zarla)
(Note: I am not responsible fer any mental damage caused by reading this fic.)

The mansion was old but large, illuminated in the night sky by the flashes of lightning that slashed through the dark rumbling clouds. The rain was pouring down heavily with enough force to knock some tiles of the roof of the large mansion. The two who had already arrived, two sisters who were named Atelli and Ella E, but were under instructions to go under pseudonyms in the house, stared at it skeptically from underneath their umbrellas. Atelli was dressed all in white, while her sister was dressed in red. They stood out against the dark backdrop of rain and trees.
"This is YOUR fault." Atelli said to her sister. Ella E glared back at her.
"How is this MY fault? I didn't send out any invitations. And if I remember right, you accepted as well."
"We might as well go in..."
"Better then the rain, anyway."
They walked up to the door, shaking themselves as dry as possible. Seeing no doorbell, they tried to find a way to signal their presence. Eventually they found a rope that had a sign hanging from it which stated "Pull me". Not sure of what else to do, Atelli pulled it. A series of bells rang within the house.
"This just keeps getting weirder and ACKPTH!" Atelli shrieked as large bucket of ice water poured down on her shoulders. Ella E found this absolutely hysterical, but Atelli wasn't nearly as amused.
"Who's sick idea is it to wire a bucket of water to the doorbell!?"
She shouted angrily. The door to the mansion opened slowly, and a boy who was around 16 looked at them. He had scruffy brown hair and was wearing a tuxedo. The most disturbing part about him were his pink eyes. It was obvious that he was blind.
"Please come in. The master has been expecting you."
"Haven't I seen you before?" Ella E entered the house, peering at the butler. He kept his sightless eyes focused forward.
"I don't believe so."
"What's your name?"
"I am known as Radic. I serve the master of this house."
"Hmm..." Ella E stared at the boy, unable to place where she had seen him before. "You seem so familiar..."
"Please, come this way. What are the names you'll be using?"
"Using?"
"It was on your invitations."
"Oh, right. Um...my real name is Ella E, but it says I'm supposed to be..." She struggled to remember. "Um, Ms. Scarlet. Maybe that's why they asked me to dress all in red."
"They told me I'd be Mrs. White." Atelli gestured to the white dress she was wearing. "So here I am. My real name is Atelli."
The butler continued walking. He apparently knew the entire mansion by heart, as he did not trip or stumble while he was walking through the hallways. "From now on, you'll only be known as Ms. Scarlet and Mrs. White."
"Wait a minute, why am I a Mrs?" Atelli asked angrily. Radic opened the door to a large study, standing near the doorway.
"Here you are."
The study was covered with books. There were numerous bookshelves, which were all full, but there were also books on every other available surface, from the chessboard to the coach to the table. There was a fire burning merrily off to one side, and the room seemed pleasantly warm compared to outside. Sitting in a large armchair was another boy, this one seeming almost identical to Radic. However, this boy seemed bigger, more confident, and had green-brown eyes, a sharp contrast to Radic's. He was wearing a tweed jacket and slacks. He gestured to the couch, where Atelli and Ella E settled after brushing off the books resting there.
"I would like to welcome you to my little party." Their host smiled. They noticed that Radic had taken position next to the armchair and was standing silently. "You are the first guests to arrive."
"Who are you?"
"Heh...well, much like yourselves, Ms. Scarlet and Mrs. White, I will be known by a pseudonym. My true name is Red, but from now on you shall call me Mr. Boddy."
"Why are we changing our names like this?" Ella E asked suspiciously. She also felt as if she knew Red from somewhere, but she could not place where. Red laughed gently.
"It adds more mystery, I would think." He gestured to a bottle resting on a pile of books on the table. Radic moved forward and began to pour three glasses without command. He had truly adapted to the loss of his sight, as he did not spill nor hesitate at all. "Would you like a drink?"
"I don't drink." Atelli shook her head, then realized that everyone in the room was underage.
"It's not alchoholic. Look for yourself. Radic." He snapped his fingers, and the smaller boy held the bottle out towards them.
"Apple cider? I LOVE APPLE CIDER!" Ella E shrieked, grabbing her glass and downing it in one gulp. There was an awkward silence following this. Atelli slowly took hers.
"It's kind of rare in our family. We're sisters, you know."
"I know." A chiming of bells seemed to sound through the house. "Radic, get the door."
"Yes, master." Radic left the room quietly, closing the door behind him.
"How many other people are coming?"
"You'll see."
"What happens when they're all here?"
"We'll have dinner of course. What did you expect? Mass murders or something?" Red laughed again. Atelli laughed nervously.
"Actually, I was thinking that." Ella E laughed with more conviction then Atelli. "But I'm just paranoid, I guess. I just love scary movies."
"Yes, I know." Red poured himself another glass. Before Ella E could ask how he knew, Radic entered the room once again.
"Professor Plum and Colonel Mustard are here, master."
"Ah, good, sit down."
The two brushed off some books off a seperate couch and sat down. Prof. Plum, as he had been identified as, was busily wiping the rain off his large glasses. He was dressed entirely in purple, although this did not come as a surprise. He wore an extremely large sweater and purple tinted jeans. Col. Mustard looked incredibly unhappy and surly. He wasn't as color co-ordinated as the others. The only yellow he was wearing was his shirt, and he wore normal blue ripped jeans and a dark trenchcoat.
"What th' @^$# we doin' here?" Col. Mustard asked, brushing some water from his whitish-purple hair. "An' who's $^#$in' idea was it to put a $^@$in' bucket of water over th' $&$#in' door? That was SO not @$^@in' funny."
Red put a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter, then answered. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea who would do such a thing. I'm glad you made it though. You didn't have any trouble getting here, did you?"
"I didn't." He pointed to himself. Then he shoved the man sitting next to him, who nearly fell off the couch. "This @#^@in' moron did tho'. I found him on th' side of th' road. He couldn't remember how he got there or nothin'. All he had was th' invitation."
"I have a bad memory." Prof. Plum smiled brightly, putting his glasses back on. He wrung some water out of his long black ponytail, then realized that he dripping it all over the carpet. Before he could move to clean it, however, Radic was already wiping it up with a cloth. "I'm glad someone helped me here though. My name is, um..." He attempted to remember. "Dr. Dowasure."
"Idiot!" Col. Mustard shoved him again. "Yer supposed to use yer FAKE name!"
"Oh, right!" He smiled awkwardly. "Wait...what was it again?"
"Prof. Plum." Col. Mustard rolled his eyes. "@$^@in' moron."
"I'm..." Ella E paused. "Ms. Scarlet. This is my sister, uh...Mrs. White."
"Hello!" Atelli smiled. She was about to pour them two glasses when she realized that Radic was already doing so. "Do you want a drink?"
"@#^@ yeah!" Col. Mustard snatched the glass away from the butler irritably and sipped it. He looked at Red angrily. "What th' @%#% is this?"
"I'm sorry, but there are no alchoholic beverages, I'm afraid. I know that you enjoy them, but not everyone here is of the age to drink them." Red replied.
He sniffed angrily but drank it anyway. "#$^&in' jip..."
Dr. Dowasure downed his quickly. "This is good. I like this. Are there any more coming?"
"So many questions." Red laughed. "They'll all be answered soon."
"Who th' $^@$ are YOU?" Col. Mustard asked irritably. Red laughed again.
"My name is Mr. Boddy. Well, at least that's what you'll be referring to me as."
"Hmmph." Col. Mustard poured himself another drink, slapping Radic's hand away when he tried to do it for him. Radic did not say anything, only backing away. Red gave Col. Mustard a look, but it seemed that he was intent on ignoring everyone around him. Finally breaking the awkward silence were the sounds of bells, followed by a piercing scream of indignation. Red snapped his fingers, and Radic left the room silently.
"Who put that bucket there?" Dr. Dowasure asked again, apparently having forgotten that Col. Mustard had already asked that. Red didn't answer. Dr. Dowasure sighed and leaned back.
"Well...we know your real name." Atelli pointed at Dr. Dowasure. She looked at Col. Mustard. "What's yours?"
"It's supposed to be a secret-" Red was interrupted by Col. Mustard.
"Name's Cyrus." He leaned back, watching Red's angry expression with a smile. "But yer supposed to call me Col. Mustard, although I have no $^@$in' idea why."
"What about you?" Dr. Dowasure asked quietly. Atelli smiled.
"No, I'm not going to tell you. I'm going to remain Mrs. White for now."
"I told YOU." Cyrus said angrily. Atelli shrugged.
"That was YOUR mistake."
Cyrus began swearing under his breath angrily.
"Master, Mr. Green and Mrs. Peacock." Radic had entered unobtrusively and it seemed like he had somehow appeared next to Red's chair. With him were two others, a boy and girl that seemed to be closer to Ella E in age. The boy was dressed in green and the girl in blue, although she had added lots of feathers all over herself. The feathers were blue as well. They sat down on the remaining couch, although Mr. Green apparently hadn't realized the books and started up sharply when he sat on a few. He brushed them off angrily.
"So we're all here, aren't we?" Red smiled, holding his arms wide, nearly striking Radic. "Shall I go start dinner?"
"What are we doing here?" Mrs. Peacock asked nervously. "I don't understand."
Mr. Green was studying Ella E carefully. "I swear I've seen you before...what's your name?"
"Ms. Scarlet."
"Your real one."
Ella E whispered to him confidentially. "It's Ella E. You look familiar too, but I don't know why."
"My real name is Montgomery. It's weird...but I guess it's my imagination."
"Yes...but it seems odd. And your friend looks familiar too."
"Her real name is Indigo."
"No...no I can't remember her...but she seems familiar."
"So does the girl sitting next to you."
"My sister, Atelli."
"Mrs. White." Atelli finally cut into the whispered conversation, and realizing that she could hear them, the two stopped speaking. Red had stood and was now exiting the room.
"Come on then. The dining room is this way."
Red left the room, but Radic remained. The others, not sure of what else to do, stood and began to follow their host. Radic waited until everyone was gone and closed the doors to the study, following unobtrusively behind.
As they walked along, a woman joined their party. She was dressed in a maid's outfit and was mumbling under her breath. She had incredibly odd hair and seemed very irritable. The instant Cyrus saw her, he backed away so sharply that he knocked Dr. Dowasure down. He regained his composure and did not look at her for the rest of their trip.
"Oh, you've met my maid, Namida Hana. She prefers to be called Kagakusha, however."
"Bite me." The woman said irritably. She walked away angrily. Cyrus was relieved to see her gone.
"She has a bit of an attitude problem. Not like you, eh Radic?" Red slapped Radic rather hard on the back, causing him to cough.
"Thank you, master." Radic's voice was, as usual, soft and unassuming.
"Come on, the dining room is in here."
He opened the large set of double-doors, revealing a beautifully decorated room. In the center was a table, set for dinner with place- cards at each seat. Slowly, the guest entered the room and began to try and find their seats. Red took his seat at the head of the table, Radic standing behind his chair as he always did.
Cyrus evidentally guessed at what Dr. Dowasure would do. He roughly shoved him into the place designated "Prof. Plum". "There. That's yer seat."
"Ah! That's right, I was Prof. Plum. I forgot."
"Like that's a surprise." Cyrus took his place next to him, looking around anxiously for any sight of the maid.
As soon as everyone was settled, Red snapped his fingers again. Then something incredibly odd happened. That was a feat in itself, considering how strange the whole excursion had been for everyone involved so far.
From a door in the side of the room a strange creature emerged. She was wearing an apron and a chef's hat, which only accentuated how odd she looked. Her arms and legs were abnormally thin, but she wasn't using them. She was using the large grey and black wings which emerged from her back. She had long blue hair with bright red eyes and had an aura around her that instantly made everyone ill at ease. She flapped to the table, placed a dish on it, then left.
Everyone was silent for a few moments. Red, sensing that not everyone knew his servants, laughed reassuringly.
"Don't be alarmed. That's my cook, Michelle. She and her assistant, Gabriella, are fixing dinner as we speak."
"What IS that!?" Indigo blurted out. Red looked at her.
"I just TOLD you! Now, pass this around." He handed the dish to her. It had a selection of small sandwhiches on it. "These are just appetizers, so don't worry."
The dish was passed around the table quietly, although everyone noticed that Cyrus took far more then his fair share. The two odd cooks were, in the end, very good and the food was excellent. After dinner was finished, they remained at the table, unsure of what to do.
"So why are we here? You never told us."
"And who rigged that #$^#in' bucket?"
Red spread his arms wide, nearly striking Radic again. "Questions, questions. Let's go the library and relax first."
"You said that before." Atelli said sulkily. Red ignored her, standing easily. He walked out of the room, not waiting for the others to follow him. Radic, however, remained near the door, holding it open. Without much of a choice, the group followed their eccentric host.

~~~

"Isn't this a nice room?" Red walked with his arms outspread, smiling broadly. The other guests followed, not sure of what to make of the strange host and his even stranger motives and servants.
"It's @%@#in' lovely. What're we doin' here?" Cyrus said angrily.
"All in good time. Please, have a seat."
The room had more bookshelves then the first room the guests had seen, but this time the books were on the shelves. The couches were green and large, made of some kind of velvety material. Before Cyrus could claim one for himself, the others quickly took their places, realizing what he was going to do. Cyrus cursed angrily and eventually sat next to Dr. Dowasure, who had most likely forgotten how he had gotten there.
"So?" Atelli prompted. Red looked innocent.
"So what?"
"So why are we here?"
Red laughed to himself for a few moments. "It's all rather simple, really..."
"Master, is this really the time-" Radic ventured to say from his post. Red, in a sudden burst of anger, stood from his chair and grabbed the front of Radic's tuxedo. Radic did not fight in any way.
"You don't give orders around here!"
"I apologize deeply, master." Radic closed his eyes and leaned his head to one side, as if he had already been struck. Red paused for a moment, then smiled again.
"Radic, let's talk, shall we? I don't want any more...mistakes like this occurring. Come with me."
"Master?" Radic looked confused. He opened his pink eyes again. Red led him out of the room slowly.
"Don't worry, it won't take long."
The door shut behind him. There was muffled cry, then there was silence.
The remaining party guests sat awkwardly.
"So...anyone want to make a GUESS at why we're here?" Atelli wished her companions were more talkative. Sometimes she felt like she was the only one who would start a conversation.
"I have no idea." Indigo busily fixed some feathers she had in her hair. "But that butler had atrocious manners. The very idea..."
Cyrus suddenly started laughing. This was strange coming from him and the sound wasn't pleasant. The others looked at him until he was under control enough to speak.
"Sorry...just thinkin' to myself..."
"Tell us!" The other guests chorused. Cyrus smirked and leaned back.
"Nah, you wouldn't get it."
"Tell us!" The cry came again.
"Here's th' deal." Cyrus held up a hand. "I'll tell ONE of you. Then you can ask them."
"That makes no sense whatsoever." Monty said critically. Cyrus shrugged.
"Hey, moron, get over here."
Dr. Dowasure turned. "Huh?"
"Yeah, you. C'mere."
Dr. Dowasure gingerly approached him, almost afraid. Cyrus leaned next to him and whispered something, then began laughing again. Dr. Dowasure began to blush a deep red.
"What? What was it? What?" The curiousity was building as time passed. Dr. Dowasure coughed. Not wanting to say it out loud, he beckoned to Atelli. She took the offer readily. Dr. Dowasure hesitantly whispered it to her.
"Oh!" Atelli began blushing as well, which just sent Cyrus deeper into his laughter. "Oh my..."
"What?!" The remaining guests almost shouted. Atelli leaned to her sister and whispered it to her, afterwhich she began blushing as well. The secret was spread this way quickly, and at the end everyone was blushing but Cyrus, who was laughing.
"Wouldn't it make sense tho'? Heh, that's why he wanted to leave."
"...Let's...talk about something else." Monty said hesitantly. "Is there anything we have in common?"
"I don't know..." Ella E looked thoughtful. "You all seem very familiar to me, but I don't think we've ever met. It's very peculiar."
"I don't know a #$^@in' one of you." Cyrus gestured broadly, "unintentionally" smacking Dr. Dowasure in the face while he did so. "'cept this moron next to me."
"Ow..." Dr. Dowasure searched for his glasses, which had fallen off. Atelli picked them up and gave them back to him, glaring at Cyrus while she did so. Cyrus didn't care.
"You reacted badly to that maid." Ella E asked suspiciously. This time Cyrus actually did blush for a moment, stammering nervously.
"Um..." Cyrus looked off to one side. "We have a past, I guess." The remainder of his speech descended into rapid fire swear words.
"I know her too." Dr. Dowasure ventured to say. "I used to work with her. Before she was a maid, I mean."
"See?" Atelli pointed at the two of them. "You DO have something in common here."
"I don't know...everything here seems very familiar..." Ella E held a hand to her mouth. "I think I've seen Radic before...I'm not sure where."
"Well, I remember if you don't." Atelli smirked. "He worked at the video store."
"That's right! He rented me those scary movies. I don't remember him being blind, though..." Ella E snapped her fingers.
"There's another connection...what about you two?" Atelli turned to the remaining guests. Mr. Green shrugged.
"I've had some business deals with...Mr. Boddy before, but nothing too important."
"I've seen that maid of his. She used to work for me." Indigo began speaking before anyone even asked her. "She had terrible manners, an absolute beast."
This made Cyrus laugh for some unknown reason. Atelli looked thoughtful.
"Well...that means we're all connected here in some way. I'm not sure how, though...it's very strange..."
There was a sharp cry from outside, then the power went out, accompanied with a loud crack of thunder. Instantly almost everyone in the room began screaming, except Cyrus, who began swearing repeatedly.
Someone ran into the room, almost dragging along another person with them. "Is everyone okay?"
"The power's out!"
"Yes, I know that." Red's voice said in a annoyed tone. "I asked if everyone was okay."
Before anyone could respond, there was a gunshot. This was followed by more screaming and swearing from Cyrus.
Abruptly the lights came back on. Red was sprawled on the floor, a gunshot wound in his back smoking briefly.
There was an awkward silence.
"Apparently not." Indigo finally said.
Radic was standing next to Red, missing his jacket and out of breath. He looked around confused.
"What happened? Could someone tell me what happened?"
Atelli was about to say something when Monty stopped her. "Think about it...do you REALLY want to tell him?"
Atelli then coughed nervously. "Um...nothing. Don't worry about it, Radic. Could you get us a drink, please?"
Radic was confused but left the room anyway, managing almost miraculously to not step on Red's body.
The instant he was gone Atelli locked the door to the room, collapsing on the floor.
"Can you BELIEVE THIS?!" she shrieked hysterically.
"I TOLD you, I TOLD you that there would be a massacre." Ella E smiled confidentally. Atelli glared at her.
"Shut up!"
"Who shot him?" Indigo looked around curiously. The others looked at her, then at Red, then back at her.
"It wasn't Radic, he's blind. He couldn't aim. And I don't know why he would shoot, um, Mr. Boddy anyway." Atelli stood and joined the rest of the group.
"Anyone here got a gun?"
"I know! I know!" Dr. Dowasure smiled brightly, waving his hand in the air. He then grabbed Cyrus, reached inside his trenchcoat, and pulled out a revolver.
"@#%@!" Cyrus shouted irritably. "Don't you touch that without my @^$@in' permission!"
"Seeee?" Dr. Dowasure held it out. The others gaped at Cyrus.
"YOU shot him?"
"I didn't shoot him." Cyrus rolled his odd eyes.
"You have a gun."
"I ALWAYS got a gun. I'll be taking that back now-" he reached for it, but Atelli snatched it away from Dr. Dowasure.
"No! You can't have it, you shot our host with it!"
"I didn't shot him, you $^@#in' moron! Feel th' gun, it isn't hot!"
Atelli felt the barrel. "Yes it is."
Everyone continued glaring at Cyrus, who tried to look innocent.
"Look, I didn't shoot him."
"I think we should lock him up so he won't kill anyone else." Ella E smiled. "I think we should lock him in a big machine that'll make him go crazy."
"I'm going to stop listening to you now." Atelli inspected the gun. Her sister stuck her tongue out at her. "This gun HAS been recently fired..."
"You DID kill him! What bad manners." Indigo looked offended. Cyrus laughed scornfully at her.
"ANYone could've shot him. They could've pulled th' gun from me an' shot him."
"Then why was it in your pocket?"
"It wasn't in my @#$^@ pocket." Cyrus pulled back his trenchcoat to reveal a holster attached to his side. "'S right there."
"See? You had easy access to it!" Monty pointed at him. Cyrus shrugged again.
"ANYone could've grabbed it. I felt someone take it when th' lights went out."
"What do we do with him?" Ella E nudged Red's body with her foot.
"We can't let Radic see him, he'll fall apart." Atelli leaned down and picked up Red's body, putting it on one of the couches.
Radic then entered the room, carrying a tray complete with another bottle of Apple Cider and some glasses.
"What are you talking about?" He asked quietly. Instantly everyone laughed nervously.
"Nothing!"
He poured them each a glass. "Where's the master?"
Atelli's eyes wandered to Red's body on the couch. "Um...he had to...uh...go...somewhere..."
"Where did he go?"
"Um...he didn't say..."
"Did he say when he was coming back?"
"Um...no."
"Nice job." Ella E whispered to her. "He'll never believe us now."
"Hmm..." Radic sighed gently and left the room again. The others were silent for a moment.
"I can't believe he bought it." Cyrus took his own glass, drained it, then filled it again. "What a moron. An' isn't there some @#$%in' brandy around here? This cider #@#% ain't cuttin' it for me."
"I think we have a more important problem on our hands then whether you can get drunk or not." Atelli pointed at Cyrus, who promptly flipped her off. "We have to find out who did this to Mr. Boddy and why."
"It was someone in this room, obviously." Indigo pointed out. "It has to be one of us."
"Um..." Dr. Dowasure ventured to speak. "I don't know, I may be wrong, but I don't think it was one of us."
"Why?" Cyrus glared at him. "There ain't anyone else here but us."
"Well, it's just that.." Dr. Dowasure adjusted his glasses, then turned around. "There's a big hole in the wall leading to a secret passage...I think whoever killed him came in through there."
Everyone blinked for a few moments.
"@$%@." Cyrus said simply.
"We should go investigate-" Monty began moving for the passage when Ella E spoke up.
"No, you idiot! When you go in the dark secret passages, that's where the killer picks you off one by one!"
"What th' #$@# are you talkin' about?"
"We can't go in there. At least, not without light."
"I wonder why the lights went off..."
"You know..." Cyrus looked upwards. "I think it was that shifty maid. I vote we kill her."
Everyone stared at him.
"You just have a grudge against her." Atelli sighed. "We need to think this out logically."
"Can't we do it somewhere else?" Dr. Dowasure looked at Red's body. "This atmosphere is making me uncomfortable."
"Right...this is not a good room for logical thinking when there's a dead body on the couch." Monty pointed out. "I vote we move somewhere else."
Before they could move, there was another scream.
"See, th' maid's at it again!" Cyrus stood, cocking his gun. "I can prolly kill her first shot."
"Shut up." Atelli said distractedly, opening the door cautiously. She wandered into the hallway, relieved to find that there was no dead body there. The others followed her, Cyrus swearing outrageously. "I think it came from over there."
The group headed for the dining room. They were relieved to find that it was also clear of corpses.
"The kitchen, maybe?"
The group continued moving and finally found someone. Gabriella was sprawled against a counter, a knife sticking out of her back.
"That makes two." Ella E held up two fingers. "I wonder how many others are going to be knocked off?"
"Where's Michelle?"
The group looked around. Cyrus eventually ventured to open one of the cabinets nearby and shouted a loud obscenity when Michelle's body fell on top of him. He shoved her off angrily.
She also had a knife through her back. Ella E smiled. "Three now!"
"Well, this clinches it." Atelli kneeled, looking at the wounds.
"Right. I'll go an' find that maid. She won't get away with this."
Cyrus began heading off, but Atelli stopped him.
"That's not what I meant. It means we got a murderer on our hands."
"Yeah, th' maid."
"Shut up about the maid!" Monty said irritably. Cyrus rolled his eyes.
"Okay...let's review the facts." Atelli held up her fingers. "One, we're connected one way or another to the people in this house. Two, they killed our host and his two cooks. Three...um...they know about the secret passage."
"That's real helpful." Monty crossed his arms. Atelli shrugged.
"I think-"
Before they could speak there was the melodious chiming of bells, followed by a surprised scream.
"Sounds like someone's at the door." Dr. Dowasure adjusted his glasses. Atelli swiftly began panicking.
"We have to hide the bodies! What if it's the police?"
"I bet it's the killer." Ella E spoke up.
"Shut up."
Cyrus lifted Michelle and threw her roughly back into the cabinet she had come from. "Back you go, #$^#@."
The others managed to squeeze Gabriella into the refridgerator.
"I hope whoever's out there isn't getting suspicious." Ella E looked at the door as they ran by to the library.
"Well, at least they won't ring the doorbell again."
With some maneuvering, they managed to wrap Red's body in a curtain. Then the group moved to the door.
Atelli was the first to venture to open it.
Standing in the doorway was a boy with brown hair and brown eyes, shivering and soaking wet.
"Who rigged the bucket?"
"Hello to you too. My name is Mrs. White." Atelli said sarcastically. "What do you want?"
The boy stared at her oddly. "That's rather mean, isn't it? Are you hiding something? Bodies, maybe?"
Everyone immediately got very nervous. The boy laughed.
"I'm just joking. My car broke down. I was wondering whether or not you had a phone I could use."
"Um..." Atelli looked around, having no clue where a phone would be in the house.
"In the study." Radic walked by, not looking at anyone while he spoke. The others followed him with their eyes as he disappeared into another room.
"Um..okay..."
"What's your name?"
"Colt." The boy shook himself off roughly. Ella E got a peculiar look on her face. "Where's the study?"
"Over there." Radic had somehow managed to walk by again, pointing to one room without looking at anyone else. The others stared at him as he walked away.
"How does he DO that?"
"Thank you in advance." Colt walked inside. "I'm glad to find a house full of nice people when I was in trouble."
Cyrus laughed softly to himself for a few moments, but everyone's glare soon silenced him. Colt walked into the room.
The instant he did, Cyrus locked the door.
"Why'd you do that?" Atelli asked him, confused. Cyrus shrugged.
"Impulse."
"More importantly, where'd you get that key?"
"That jacket." Cyrus pointed to the jacket that Radic had been wearing that was now on the floor. "It was in th' pocket."
"What if he calls the police? I think we were too suspicious." Indigo stared fearfully at the door.
"Want me to kill him?" Cyrus held up his gun dramatically.
"I'm beginning to doubt your innocence more and more." Atelli sighed. "We should probably just leave him alone."
It was then that the lights went out again.
"AAAAAA!"
"@$%#!"

~~~

"Really, this place is full of weirdos." Colt had thrown himself over a chair near the phone and had made himself completly comfortable. He munched on some chips he had found idly while he talked. "You wouldn't believe this one guy, he had the scariest eyes I've ever seen. What a freak."
Colt was too busy chatting to notice the painting behind him sliding open.
"What? Sure I'll be home. My car isn't really broken, I just said that. Why? I just think random people's reactions to strangers are interesting. Shut up! It's not THAT weird."
The shadowy figure behind him raised a wrench above Colt's head. The lights switched off.
"Great, now the powers out. I'm going to have to call you back, Reimia."
Colt hung up the phone, sighed, then stood. He barely missed being hit by the wrench by a few inches. The Shadowy figure toppled over the chair onto the floor, not expecting a lack of resistance to it's swing. Colt turned to where the sound had come from, but couldn't see anything in the darkness.
"Who's there? If it's the guy with the freaky eyes, I didn't mean it."
The shadowy figure lept up again, swinging the wrench at Colt once again. He again barely managed to dodge competly by accident due to the fact he had fallen over because he had stepped on a chip. The sudden crack under his foot had scared him and he over-balanced himself. The Shadowy figure again lost it's balance and fell into a chair, knocking it over. The two lay on the floor, getting their breath back.
"This was a lot easier with a gun." The Shadowy figure said. Colt looked around.
"Uh oh. That sounds like killer talk."
The figure lept for Colt, smashing him over the head with the wrench finally.
"Took long enough." The figure put the wrench near Colt's hand. "I bet if I leave this here, those idiots'll think you killed yourself. Morons."
The figure lept through the picture frame, it sliding back to cover his passage.

~~~

Everyone was relieved when the lights came back on.
"What th' #$^#'s with this freaky house? I swear someone's #$^#in' with th' circuit breaker or somethin'." Cyrus was incredibly irritable at having been startled this many times.
"Is anyone worried about Colt?" Dr. Dowasure said softly. "So far, whenever the lights go off, someone's died. I think someone killed him."
"No scream, moron." Cyrus glared at him. Dr. Dowasure simply shrugged.
"I think he has a point." Atelli wondered why Cyrus was always picking on Dr. Dowasure. "We should check. Give me the key."
"#$^# no!" Cyrus backed away from her.
"Give me the key!"
"I said @$^$ no!"
"This key?" A voice came from behind Cyrus, who nearly fell over with surprise. Kagakusha held the key out for Atelli, who took it slowly.
"Um...thanks..."
"God, @#$^#, don't ever get that close t'me again! @$#$..." Cyrus scrambled to his feet, trying to hide his shaking. Kagakusha rolled her eyes.
"There are currently more pressing problems then YOU." She spat at Cyrus. Her voice was harsh. Cyrus pulled his gun out of it's holster and pointed it at her.
"'M goin' to #%#$in' kill you!"
"Don't!"
Atelli managed to push Cyrus' gun out of the way before it fired, where the bullet hit the chandelier on the ceiling. Cyrus swore angrily for a few moments.
"What th' #^#$ you think you're doin'?!"
"Stop trying to kill her and think logically!" Atelli shouted angrily at him. "We need to find the real killer before they kill again!"
"I already did."
"It's NOT the maid!" Atelli's voice was strained with frustration.
"How do YOU know?"
Atelli paused momentarily.
"She could've done it, y'know. An' she didn't like Mr. Boddy, so she prolly knocked him off."
"Doesn't explain Michelle and Gabriella."
"I think this whole matter is moot..." Dr. Dowasure adjusted his glasses. "Because while you were arguing the maid left."
Cyrus and Atelli looked around, but Kagakusha was nowhere to be seen. Cyrus swore to himself as he stood.
Monty shrugged. "Well...let's just go check on Colt first."
Atelli turned the key in the lock slowly.
"Careful..." Ella E cautioned. "The killer could be hiding behind the door."
"Shut up about the killer! You're so paranoid."
As the room opened, Colt's body could be seen clearly on the floor, the wrench near his head. There was a pause of surprise, then Indigo rushed forward, kneeling at his side.
"He killed himself! And bled all over the carpet while he did it. How rude." There was a touch of concern in her eyes.
Cyrus laughed scornfully for a few moments, walking forward and helping himself to the chips that were on the table. "Sure, he bashed himself over th' head 'cause he didn't like our company. That's real believable."
"Four!" Ella E giggled, holding up the appropriate number of fingers. "I bet the maid's going to go next!"
"Not if I get to her first..." Cyrus muttered inaudibly beneath his breath.
"Well, what do we do with his body?"
"Let's move it where Mr. Boddy's body is. Actually, we should probably move Michelle and Gabriella's in there too." Monty suggested. The others stared at him.
"Why?"
"It makes it easier if someone comes and looks for them. And if someone wanted to see the rooms in the house, we'd only have to lock one."
"You're not making any sense, but it's better then doing nothing, I suppose." Atelli and Indigo managed to lift Colt's body between them and walked off.

~~~

"Where'd you get that?"
"Don't matter."
The four bodies were now collected in the library. Red and Colt took up two of the couches, while Michelle and Gabriella occupied the last one. Atelli was staring at the bowl of chips Cyrus was holding and munching steadily.
"Did you take that from the study?"
"Maybe."
"Great, you're putting fingerprints over all the evidence..." Monty sighed. Cyrus blinked.
"Evidence? It's a #$^#in' bowl of chips!"
"Probably the last thing Colt touched alive, you know."
"Pff. I don't care, these are #^$% good chips."
"Give me that!" Atelli snatched the bowl irritably away from Cyrus, who was too surprised to react.
"HEY!"
"There are some things a little more important then chips right now!"
"You told me that before, so here's th' same response." Cyrus flipped her off. Atelli rolled her eyes.
She looked down at the bowl only to find Dr. Dowasure sneaking chips away. "Stop that!"
Dr. Dowasure jumped in surprise and dropped the chips he was holding. "But...I'm hungry..."
"We had dinner! Stop eating the chips!"
"Why?" Cyrus demanded angrily. Atelli ignored him.
"But they're good chips." Dr. Dowasure smiled as he managed to grab a few more.
Atelli walked over to the window, opened it, and threw the bowl out of it. "There! Go get your chips now!"
"Idiot!" Monty rushed to the windowsill. "Didn't you say we needed that for evidence?"
"They were eating all the evidence!"
While Dr. Dowasure looked sad, Cyrus looked upset. "#$#@ it, those were good chips! Stupid $#%#$, what'd you do that for?"
"Are you aware you just threw a bowl of chips out the window?" Indigo was staring at Atelli strangely.
"That's killer behavior!" Ella E jumped up and down. "I think we should use a automatic garage to chop her head off!"
"Shut up!" Atelli shouted irritably at her sister, who seemed ecstatic. "Why are YOU so happy?"
"This is just like a scary movie! This is sooo cool!" Ella E giggled hysterically. Atelli rolled her eyes.
"Actually, I think a more pressing matter is..." Monty narrowed his eyes as he stared into the rainy gloom. "I think you hit someone with that bowl."
"What?"
Instantly everyone was at the window. "I can't see anything..."
Ella E suddenly jumped back with such force almost everyone else was knocked back with her. "Don't lean out the window! The killer'll slash your throat!"
"Are you stupid or something!?" Atelli pushed herself off the floor angrily, glaring at her sister.
"Uh..." Cyrus, for once, was speechless. When Atelli noticed he was pointing at something, she turned her eyes toward it.
There was a hand holding a knife waving around on the windowsill, as if searching for a throat to slash.
"I told you!" Ella E tried to sound triumphant, but still sounded frightened.
"Hey, if I hit you with that bowl, I'm sorry!" Atelli called out. The others looked at her.
"What are you doing?" Monty asked her angrily. "Now they know we're here!"
"They knew that anyway."
A frightened noise from Dr. Dowasure managed to get their attention back on the knife. Or at least, where the knife used to be. It wasn't there.
"Oh @#$^."
"If I know my suspense-building scary movies..." Ella E stood. "The lights should go off right about now."
Click.
Confusion reigned in the darkness that now covered the entire room.
"@$#$, get th' #$^# off me!"
"Someone's got their feather in my eye!"
"Whoever's touching me in such a rude manner better stop right now."
"I said get th' #$^# OFF!"
"Okay, no one panic! NO ONE PANIC! I SAID NO ONE PANIC!"
"We're all going to die! We're all going to die!"
"This is where the killer would pose dramatically on the window backlit by lightning-"
"SHUT UP! GOD, NO ONE PANIC! DEAR GOD, WE CAN'T PANIC!"
"STOP #$^#IN' TOUCHIN ME!"
"It's actually getting rather bothersome now, please could someone move their feather out of my eye?"
A flash of lightning lit the room momentarily, freezing the guests in their positions. They looked at the window, where a figure was illuminated eerily by the lightning. Their weapon was painfully clear. Almost everyone was frozen with fear. Almost.
"Oh no you don't, @$%$er!" Cyrus pulled his gun and fired wildly at the figure, which dropped back outside before any shots could connect. Or at least, that's what it looked like.
"They dropped inside! We're all going to die!"
"No, they dropped outside."
"Inside!"
"Outside!"
"Inside!"
"That's it! I've tolerated this feather in my eye long enough!"
"OOOW! What are you doing? Who's touching me? OW! Stop it!"
"That's better."
"You pulled my hair! That's terribly rude!"
"Get th' #^#$ off me! Y'screwed up my aim! $#^#! Stop touchin' me or I'll $#^@in' kill you!"
"NO ONE PANIC! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO ONE PANIC!"
"AAAAA! Someone touched me!"
"Well, someone's touching me too, you don't see me screaming about it."
"But this one had a knife!"
All conversations, except for one, turned to screams. The last one turned to swear words.
There was the sound of someone running out of the room, then the lights clicked back on.
Indigo had fallen over one of the couches, her feathers in total disarray. As soon as she realized she was sprawled over Colt's dead body, she screamed and jumped to her feet awkwardly. Monty was rubbing his eye angrily. Ella E had remained standing by some strange miracle and was holding her heart as if it would burst from her chest. Atelli was about to scream that no one panic again when she realized that the lights were on. Dr. Dowasure, meanwhile, had attached himself to Cyrus and had his eyes shut tightly. Cyrus was not happy with this.
"@#$% you, get th' $%#$ off me!" He pushed angrily at Dr. Dowasure, trying to dislodge him. "Th' lights are back on, you #$^#in' moron! Th' killer's gone!"
"Really?" He opened his eyes slowly. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, 'm god@%$# sure! Get off me!"
Cyrus had to kick Dr. Dowasure rather harshly before he finally let go. He was trembling almost as bad as Ella E. Atelli turned to her sister.
"Someone touched you? With a knife? Why are you still alive?"
"They grazed me with it." Ella E touched a slash in the fabric of her dress near her shoulder. She then flashed a peace sign. "Lucky!"
"Great. Whoever the killer was is now running through the house. This is just wonderful."
"They were already inside anyway."
"If you hadn't #$^$ed my aim, I could've shot 'em!" Cyrus shouted at Dr. Dowasure, who cringed. "#$^@in' idiot, grabbin' me like that...I hate it when people touch me! I #$^#in' hate that."
Indigo brushed herself off and rearranged her feathers. She touched her hair gingerly and glared at Monty while she was doing so, who was still rubbing his eye furiously. "Well, one good thing is that we're all alive."
Ella E made her voice take a frighteningly gravelly tone. "Not for long...bwa ha ha ha ha!"
"Stop that!" Atelli glared at her. "That's not funny. Can't you take anything seriously?"
"No."
"People are dead for crying out loud! Doesn't that concern you at all?"
"No." This time it was Cyrus who responded, which caused Atelli to turn towards him.
"And I'm beginning to wonder whether or not you're really behind all this!"
"Can't be me." Cyrus held his hands out non-threateningly. "I was with you th' whole time, everyone saw me."
Atelli stared at him for a few moments. "Well, we better go find that killer before he kills someone else."
"You'll need weapons." A soft voice said. Almost everyone screamed in surprise, but it was only Radic. "I can get them for you, if that is what you want."
"Holy #$^@, 'm havin' heart attacks by th' minute here." Cyrus glared at the blind boy, but he did not notice. Of course, he was blind, so this was expected.
"Radic, it isn't safe for you around here anymore." Atelli took his hand, causing him to jump with surprise.
"Warn me before you do things like that."
"That's not the point!" Atelli continued speaking. "You're blind, that means you're easy prey for the killer."
"Killer?"
"Nice job." Ella E said angrily. Atelli tried to ignore her.
"They just got in..." Atelli lied. "They haven't killed anyone yet, but they might. You should stay with us."
Radic remained silent.
"If you want the weapons, I can open the cabinet for you."
"Cabinet?"
Radic took his hand away from Atelli's and moved confidentally towards one of the cabinets that was against the wall. He reached into his pants pocket and took out another key, which he used to unlock it.
"How many keys do you have, anyway?" Indigo asked curiously. Radic was silent for a few moments.
"As many as the master gives me."
The cabinet was open.
Inside there was a assortment of weapons. A rope, a candlestick, a pipe. Radic felt around them for a moment.
"That's strange."
"What?"
"The revolver, the knife, and the wrench are missing."
"Why do you have these weapons, anyway? This is beginning to get very familiar for some reason."
"Well, I got my gun." Cyrus cocked it to prove his point. "I don't need any of those weapons." His voice showed exactly what he thought of 'those' weapons, which wasn't flattering.
"I think we should split into groups." Atelli suggested. "Each group can take a weapon and search the house for the killer. In an hour or so, we can come back here and see if any of us have found anything."
"We can't split up!" Ella E protested strongly. "That's when the killer'll corner us and kill us one by one! Or he'll kill one partner and use the body to scare the other ones! It's a stupid idea!"
"What else can we do?" Atelli shrugged. "We can't just let that killer roam through the house without someone stopping them. It's dangerous."
"We really don't have any other options..." Monty shrugged. "Besides, we might be able to find out why Mr. Boddy invited us all here."
Ella E crossed her arms. "We might as well write our wills right now..." But she did not protest after that.
"Okay, let's split up. Um...Col. Mustard, why don't you go with Prof. Plum?"
"What? Why th' #$^# do I get stuck with him?"
Dr. Dowasure had totally forgotten his fake name. "Who am I going with?"
"You're Prof. Plum, remember?" Atelli pointed at him. He paused for a moment.
"I am?"
"Yes."
Another pause. "I'm going with him?"
"Yes."
Cyrus swore repeatedly as Atelli continued to talk. "Since Col. Mustard still has his gun, he doesn't need one of these weapons. You guys can take the upstairs."
Dr. Dowasure only looked frightened. "I don't think I'm comfortable for the idea of looking for a homicidal maniac with someone who wants to kill me."
"Col. Mustard does not want to kill you."
"He might kill me by mistake."
"Col. Mustard, promise you won't kill him."
Cyrus muttered to himself.
"Promise! Or we'll take your gun."
Cyrus swore some more before speaking. "Fine, fine..."
He pulled a cigarette from a pack in the pocket of his trenchcoat and tried to light it. Unfortunately, they were soaked from the incident with the bucket earlier, causing Cyrus to shout obscenities loudly until someone interrupted him.
"Mr. Green, why don't you go with Ms. Scarlet? You can take this floor."
"Okay."
"Fine with me."
For some reason, the two felt fine with travelling together, although they could not explain this.
"Me and Mrs. Peacock can search the basement."
"But..."
"The killer's always in the basement or upstairs hiding in the bedrooms." Ella E was trying to be helpful, but actually was only scaring the groups that had to go to those areas.
"What about Radic?" Indigo stared at the blind boy, who was standing submissively, not saying a word.
"He can come with us. You don't mind, do you Radic?"
Radic remained silent.
Atelli took the lead pipe out and gave it to Ella E. "Here's your weapon..."
She took the candlestick out. "And I'll keep this."
"What about the rope?"
"We can leave it there. No one'll take it."
Ella E again made her voice frightening. "Except...the killer! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"
"Stop doing that!" Atelli took the rope and shoved it in Cyrus' pocket, causing him to jump in surprise. "Fine, they can have it, okay?"
"@$#$, tell me 'fore you do stuff like that." Cyrus took the rope out and then put it back in his pocket properly.
"Now he has two weapons to kill me with."
"He promised not to kill you, okay?" Atelli rolled her eyes at the trembling doctor. "Don't worry. I'd be more frightened of the killer."
Again the voice from Ella E. "Who will slowly kill us aaaaaallll! BWA HA HA HA!"
"Stop doing that before I smack you!" Atelli shouted at her sister.
"But it's fun!"
"Shut up! Is everybody ready?"
"#%#$ no." Cyrus' voice was sulky. Atelli rolled her eyes.
"You don't count. Everyone else?'
"I'm not."
"I already told you he won't kill you! What more do you want?"
"Not to go with him?"
"Arrrgh..." Atelli held her head in frustration. "I'm going, whether you're ready or not. C'mon, Mrs. Peacock, Radic. We have to look through the basement."
The three left the room.
"Off we go!" Ella E laughed, holding the lead pipe casually in her hands. "This is sooo cool!"
They left through the door as well. Cyrus and Dr. Dowasure sighed at the same time, then headed up the stairs, turning off the lights as they left the room.

~~~

Kagakusha slipped into the darkened room that everyone had just left.
"Did anyone see you?" A voice asked her. The woman seemed to fight inwardly for a few moments, then it passed.
"Not that I know of. Well, maybe, I don't know. I think someone did." Her voice took a harsher tone. "No one saw us, okay? You're paranoid." Softer voice. "I think someone saw us..."
Harsh voice. "Shut up! God, you're so-"
"Although I find this mental drama quite amusing..." The first voice interrupted her. "I must know. Do you have what I want?"
"Not yet. It won't take me long, don't worry."
"It better not."

~~~

"I really don't think this is a good idea."
"Don't worry about it." Atelli used the small flashlight she had found to light the way. Strangely enough, it was Radic who was generally leading the way amidst the cobweb covered corridors that led the basement. The darkness was nothing to him. "I bet the killer isn't even down here."
"Someone has been down here." Radic said softly. "I don't know who it was, though."
"Someone WAS? This is a bad idea." Indigo fussed with some of her feathers. "What if we get killed?"
"We won't get killed." Atelli rolled her eyes. "We've got weapons, don't we?"
"YOU've got A weapon."
Radic continued walking, ignoring the dust that spread under his feet and the various small creatures underfoot.
"What does Mr. Boddy keep down here, anyway?"
"Anything he thinks he'll need."
Radic paused in front of a wall, touching it softly. With a few prods, the door slid back to reveal a passage. Atelli shone her light into it, but there was nothing there.
"How many of these secret passages are there?"
"Let me guess." Indigo spoke before Radic could. "As many as Red thinks he needs, right?"
Radic nodded silently. Indigo noted some webs that were caught in his hair and brushed them away, causing Radic to jump.
"Warn me before you touch me."
"I forgot. Sorry. That was rude of me." Indigo tried to apologize, but the look on the blind boy's face seemed to make her think it was impossible.
To Atelli, Radic simply looked as if he was remembering something. "Where does this go?"
"It goes to the Conservatory."
"That's connected to the house, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"Then let's go."
"Let's go?" Indigo asked incredulously. "What if the killer's in there?"
"Then we'll bash him. We don't have very many options here."
Indigo sighed, brushing webs from some of her feathers. "I guess..."

~~~

"Let's check the kitchen! No wait, the Library! No, the ballroom!"
Ella E was spinning in circles in the center of the room. Monty stared at her.
"You need to calm down."
"This is sooo cool! I nearly got killed, but I was lucky!" She flashed another peace sign at the word lucky.
As the two walked by the Library, Monty laughed to himself. He took the pipe from Ella E and waved it around.
"Monty in the library with the lead pipe! Bwa ha ha ha!"
"What?" Ella E stared at him. "What was that!?"
Monty looked confused. "I...I don't know where that came from. That was really weird."
Ella E stared at him strangely. Monty handed the pipe back to her.
"Let's just go to the ballroom, okay? We haven't gone there yet."
"Okay."
Ella E began running, which was rather hazardous on the floor that was made slick by the water that had dripped off the originally-wet guests. Monty fell flat, knocking Ella E over on top of him.
"Watch it!"
"Sorry, sorry..." Monty pulled her back up, brushing her off. "We shouldn't run."
"What a weird statue." Ella E had already lost her attention in Monty and was now focusing on a statue that was in a niche in the wall. "A Manachu, huh? How weird. It looks really familiar."
Monty coughed loudly, within which the word "ballroom" could be heard rather clearly.
Ella E sighed. "Fine fine, let's go..."
They entered the ballroom, Ella E throwing the doors open dramatically and leaping inside, brandishing her pipe. "AYAAA!"
"There's no one in here." Monty rolled his eyes.
"Darn!" Ella E crossed her arms.
"I think you should be happy." Monty walked inside, listening to the noises his shoes made in the large room. "It echos in here."
This promptly got Ella E to shout "ECHO!" as loudly as she could. The echo rebounded several times before it faded away.
"You know, I kind of want to live through this night." Monty rubbed his head. "There's a better chance of that if you don't alert the killer to our presence."
"Ah, there's a better chance he's hiding in one of the curtains then he'll come in after hearing us." Ella E remarked flippantly.
"Like those curtains?" Monty backed away. Ella E turned her eyes to where the curtains were waving gently.
"Like those! Exactly! Of course, the minute we go to look at them, there won't be anything and the killer will just jump us from behind."
"I'm beginning to not like traveling with you. Is the killer in here or not?"
"According to my logic..." Ella E paused. "No. He's hiding...somewhere upstairs, I think. Probably already killed Prof. Plum and Col. Mustard and is now hiding their bodies somewhere where we can strategically stumble across them and freak out."
Monty shuddered. "Let's keep moving."

~~~

"Let go of my arm!"
"I really, REALLY don't want to do this!"
"Doesn't mean you have t'#$#$in' cut th' circulation t'my arm! Christ..."
Dr. Dowasure clung tenaciously to Cyrus' arm as they ascended the attic stairs. It was pitch black above, but Cyrus' small flashlight managed to light the way somewhat.
"Oooh...we're going to die...I can just feel it..." Dr. Dowasure was shaking uncontrollably. Cyrus was rapidly losing his patience.
"Shut th' @#$# up! At this rate, 'm goin' t'shove you in front of th' knife if th' mother @#%@er actually shows up."
Dr. Dowasure whimpered at the thought and held onto his arm tighter. The only reason that Cyrus was allowing this contact was this : He could not get him off. Everything he tried only resulted in Dr. Dowasure reattaching himself to his arm, so he eventually just gave up on trying to dislodge him. That didn't make him accept it, however.
"Up in th' attic we go..." Cyrus tried to keep his thoughts away from fear. He was, in truth, beginning to feel a little anxious, but he didn't need to panic Dr. Dowasure when he had finally calmed down slightly.
Dr. Dowasure deliberatly hung back as Cyrus ascended the stairs, his light bouncing wildly. Cyrus nearly had to drag him along.
"God, could you be more annoyin'? Honestly."
"This is not good..." Dr. Dowasure looked around the attic, where many shadowy forms could be seen. "Look at all of them!"
Cyrus flashed his light across them. "Look, stupid, they're just dummies an' #$^$. Ignore 'em."
They moved forward gingerly into the attic, Dr. Dowasure sneezing at the dust that was flying from every step they took.
"Mr. Boddy's maid apparently doesn't do her job." Dr. Dowasure tried to make a joke, but his heart wasn't in it. It did relieve some of his tension, however, and he laughed thinly. Cyrus glared at him in the darkness until Dr. Dowasure realized he was doing it. The laughter died quickly.
"Hmmph...nothin' up here..."
"SOMETHING MOVED!" Dr. Dowasure shrieked. He promptly panicked, pushing Cyrus forward roughly. Of course, there happened to be a some kind of large box in front of them, over which the two promptly fell. Cyrus had the breath knocked out of him momentarily as he panted on the floor, Dr. Dowasure was sprawled on top of him, covering his head with his hands and shaking. Cyrus focused his odd eyes forward, trying to see what had frightened the doctor. The flashlight had rolled away from him when he fell and flickered off, so all that he could depend on was his vision in the dark.
Luckily, this was better then most. He noticed the figure approaching them, raising some kind of weapon above their head. Cyrus lifted his gun swiftly around Dr. Dowasure's arms, aiming at the figure's head.
"See you in @%#$!" Cyrus shouted dramatically, firing. Dr. Dowasure cringed at the gunshots and Cyrus watched as the figure managed to dodge, barely. Realizing that it's quarry was armed, the figure tried to run for it. Unfortunatly, they had forgotten about the stairs. There were several loud thunks and cries of pain before the figure apparently hit the bottom.
Cyrus sat up, inadvertantly bringing Dr. Dowasure up as well. "Y'#$^$ moron, get off me."
"Ayaa!" Dr. Dowasure was frightened out of his mind and threw his trembling arms around Cyrus, apparently seeking some kind of protection.
Cyrus rolled his eyes, glad that the darkness hid any sign of the slight blush on his cheeks. "God, yer such a #$^#in' idiot..."

~~~

"Where are we?"
"This doesn't look like the conservatory..."
The three stepped into the library, confused and dirty. Atelli was particularly annoyed.
"Radic, you said this lead to the conservatory."
"You took a wrong turn." Radic didn't care much for his physical appearance, thus was the only one who wasn't brushing webs and/or dust off of him.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"You didn't ask."
Atelli stifled her angry response and crossed her arms.
"Well, we might as well meet up with Ms. Scarlet and Mr. Green. They're on this floor, aren't they?"
"Supposedly, yes." Indigo had finished fixing her feathers for the moment and moved towards the one door in the room. She pulled on the handle, then realized the door was not opening. She pulled harder, then turned to her companions.
"Um..."
"The door's locked?!" Atelli tried to handle herself with similar results. She turned to Radic, who had the same passive look on his face he usually did. "Don't you have the key?"
"This room only unlocks from the outside."
"HEEEEEELP!" Atelli shouted, banging on the door. "SOMEONE, HEEEELP!"

~~~

This shout managed to get the attention of the other groups, which soon met downstairs. Cyrus and Dr. Dowasure came down to see Ella E and Monty pounding helplessly on the door.
"Let us in, let us in!" They shouted.
"Let us out, let us out!" Came the response.
Cyrus stared at the scene in confusion.
"What th' $^#$'s goin' on?"
"That's my sister!" Ella E pointed to the door where the handle could be seen shaking as the two on the other side pounded furiously. "I think she's in trouble!"
Cyrus was still afflicted with Dr. Dowasure clinging to his arm, but he tried to ignore it. "Doesn't anyone have th' key?"
"Uh...Atelli took it, didn't she?"
"Atelli!" Monty called through the door. "Slide the key under so we can get you out!"
"Key?"
"Remember, you got the key from the maid!"
The conversation continued despite Cyrus' swearing. "Right!" There was a moment's silence. "I don't have it! I must have dropped it somewhere!"
"Great." Monty held a hand to his head.
"Okay everyone, stand back." Cyrus moved the others away, ignoring the weight on his arms. "You guys on th' other side, get th' #$^# out of th' way!"
Those on the other side apparently sensed the seriousness in his voice and threw themselves to the ground.
The gun fired once again and the handle of the door practically exploded, causing many of those present to scream. Cyrus then kicked the door dramatically open, unintentionally smacking Indigo rather hard as he did so, since she was hiding behind the door.
"There y'go!"
Those on the other side were not exactly happy with his methods of opening the door, but left the room in relief.
"So...any luck?" Atelli brushed the dust from her dress, annoyed that the white had tinges of grey. Likewise, Indigo was brushing webs from herself like they were some deadly disease.
"Nothing here." Ella E smiled. Monty rolled his eyes.
"Nothin' upstairs neither." Cyrus shrugged. Dr. Dowasure was still attached to his arm and simply went along with his movement. "Although this moron got so #$#$in' scared I think he lost ten years of his life..."
The sound of bells and someone screaming brought their eyes to the front door.
"Should we open the door?"
"Of course we should! We shouldn't leave someone who's wet out there waiting!" Indigo brushed off her dress. "That would be rude."
"What if it's the police or something?"
"Why would the police be here?" Monty blinked. Atelli looked at Cyrus.
"There has probably been more then the usual amount of gunshots here."
Cyrus looked off to one side. He shook his arm half-heartedly, trying to get Dr. Dowasure off, but he only clung tighter. "I was tryin' to save yer @%#es, but noooo, 's always 'yer too loud', blah blah blah an' some #$^#."
"Well, if we leave them out there, they'll get REALLY suspicious."
Atelli shrugged. "We might as well."
The group braced themselves as Atelli opened the door.
"Hello..." The Police officer said from outside. He had black hair that fell from underneath his hat. Next to him was a smaller, thinner boy who had blond hair.
Atelli slammed the door.
"What are you doing?" Monty stared at her in shock.
"The Police ARE here! What do we do now?! We got four dead bodies to deal with!"
"Say it a little louder, I don't think they heard you." Indigo rolled her eyes.
"We need to hide them!"
"How? They're #$^#in' dead!"
"Do SOMETHING! I'll try and stall them!"
The guests dashed off to where the bodies were kept, trying to stay calm.
Atelli reopened the door, finding the two police officers very upset. "Hi, my name is Mrs. White. What can I do for you?"
"Good evening, miss." The blond one raised his cap slightly. "I am Deputy Teishi, this here is Drak-sama."
"Officer Drak to you." Drak seemed to say automatically.
"We're here to investigate the strange noises that have been coming from here."
"Strange noises?" Atelli tried to laugh in what she hoped was a carefree manner. "Whatever do you mean?"
"We've heard multiple gunshots, screams, and the lights keep flickering on and off." Drak looked at her suspiciously. "That seemed a little suspicious to us. Also, there's a car down the road that was apparently abandoned fairly recently."
Atelli tried to think of whose car it was. "What car?"
"Miss, it's parked down the road a bit. Whoever left it was planning to come back and didn't."
"How do you know?"
"They left the headlights on."
Finally, it came to her. Colt! "I don't think they came here...perhaps they went to some other mansion."
"There are no other mansions around here." Drak adjusted his soaking hat. "Only that old castle where we saw all those strange scientists going, but that's totally unrelated..."
Teishi pointed at the wall. "Look, a Plug!"
"So?" Atelli looked at him.
"I just didn't think such an old house would have something so modern." Teishi finished lamely. "Can we come inside, miss?"
"Um...no." Atelli blocked the doorway casually. "We're not...um...presentable."
"Who rigged the bucket?" Drak pointed to the bucket above the door. Atelli shrugged.
"I have no idea."
"We must come inside, miss." Teishi tried to make his way past her, but she was bigger then he.
"I assure you, there's nothing wrong." Atelli laughed again. She turned her glance to the room where the bodies were stored and found Cyrus was waving at her. Taking that to mean they had taken care of it, she turned back to the officers. "But you can come look, if you want."
Drak and Teishi entered the house cautiously, looking around at the water on the floor and the shattered doorknob.
"Y'dumb #$^#$!" Cyrus whispered to her as she came close. "We aren't ready yet!"
"What?!"
"I was tryin' to tell you-"
"Well, do something!"
"But-"
"HURRY!"
"Who are you talking to?" Drak and Teishi soon came up next to her. Atelli laughed nervously again.
"Uh, you can't come in." Atelli felt as if her heart was going to beat out of her chest as she blocked the doorway. The officers were beginning to get annoyed.
"Why not?"
"Um...you can't see it!" Atelli decided she had had enough of lying. "It's too terrible! It's too horrifying! It's..it's just too illegal!"
"What on earth are you talking about?" Drak and Teishi pushed her out of the way at the same time and opened the door. Atelli tried to recover.
"No, don't-"
Broken chords of music floated through the room, playing through what seemed to be an old malfunctioning record player.

It's hopeless, it's bitter, it's hard, and it's long
But you have to escape the star of confusion
It's terrible, it's lonely, it's hostile, and it's dark
But you can't be caught by the star of confusion

Sitting on a table were two of what seemed to be the strangest statues the two officers had ever seen. They almost seemed to be gargoyles. Standing near the curtains a girl seemed to making out with another guy, while on one of the couches another guy seemed to be drunk out of his mind. He held a bottle in one hand and had his hat tipped over his eyes. He didn't move.
On the other couch another couple seemed to be making out, but they broke apart just as the two officers came in as if in surprise. Drak did a double-take as he realized the girl with the long black hair was actually a guy. The two seemed incredibly awkward and embarassed.
Atelli was shocked speechless.
"What's illegal about this?" Drak shrugged. "Just some people having a good time. Except..." He moved forward to where the drunk was and sniffed his breath. He recoiled sharply. "He's totally plastered...and he seems underage."
"He just looks young." The blushing long-haired man supplied, his words babbling out nervously. "He's really very old."
"Shut th' #$%# up, moron." The other man muttered. Drak stood up.
"You know, I could get you in trouble for this..." He sighed. "But you know, it's just too late at night and it's such a pain to write tickets and deal with this entire thing in court and such..."
Atelli tried to muster words to come out of her mouth, but couldn't find any. She noticed that Michelle and Gabriella seemed to be propped up by people. She hoped to any deity available that the two officers would not notice.
"Drak-sama, shouldn't we tell her about the car?"
"Right." Drak turned to Atelli. "We need to use your phone. I won't tell them what you guys have been doing, but we need to get a tow- truck for that car down the road."
"Uh...thanks." The long-haired man adjusted his glasses, which were askew.
Drak turned back to where the party-goers were staring at him. He smiled good-naturedly. "Don't stop on my account. Go ahead and enjoy yourselves."
This was kind of redundant, considering the only couple that stopped were the two on the couch. But they seemed to take the hint. The white-haired one grabbed the other and rather authoritively continued what he was doing.
"Um...it's in...the study..." Atelli had to force words from her mouth. "Come on..."
She walked away from the scene she had just witnessed, still unbelieving of what she had seen. The two officers followed behind her, shutting the door.
Indigo poked her head out from behind the curtain, where she had been using her hands in place of Red's. Ella E shoved Red's body away, wiped her mouth angrily.
"Do you think it went off okay?"
The door re-opened, Drak poking his head inside again. Ella E grabbed Red before he hit the ground and pushed him back where he had originally been, inadvertantly squeezing Indigo in the process. Indigo let out a surprised breath, but tried to stop any noise from escaping. Ella E hoped her slip-up wasn't too obvious.
Drak looked around, seeing as they hadn't changed much since he opened the door. They were all still going at it. He closed the door. Those maintaining the charade kept it up for a few moments, as if expecting Drak to reopen the door, which he didn't.
When this information finally seemed concrete, they broke free from their appointed places. Ella E pushed Red's body to the ground, pawing at her face.
"Ppth! Ppth! I never want to do that again! Eew..."
Radic and Monty moved from where they had been holding Gabriella and Michelle in their positions, shaking their hands gratefully. Michelle and Gabriella, deprived of their supports, toppled on the floor in a heap. Monty threw the two knives that had been stuck in the creature's backs on the floor. He massaged his hands.
"Those things are heavier then they look."
Radic spoke softly, answering Indigo's question. "I believe so. Although I could not see their expressions, I think I could tell by their voices that they believed us."
"Mmm..."
Those standing stared at the two remaining on the couch, who were apparently getting all to into what they were doing. "Hey...uh..you can stop. They're gone."
"Mmph!"
Cyrus threw Dr. Dowasure roughly off of him. He was blushing furiously.
"Jesus Christ, hope I don't have t'#^#$in' do that again. God#$^#..."
Dr. Dowasure was blushing as well, although he didn't say anything. He adjusted his glasses slowly, as they had nearly been knocked off as he had been thrown to the floor.
"Good thing we put some of that alcohol in his mouth." Ella E took the hat off of Colt's body. "I didn't think he would smell his breath."
"Trust me, they do it all th' time." Cyrus waved airily. The others stared at him.
"I guess you would know." Indigo shrugged, wiping her hands off on her dress. Cyrus didn't really consider this an insult.
"What should we do?"
"We should probably wait here until Mrs. White comes back and tells us it's clear."
Kagakusha seemed to materialize out of nowhere, clapping slowly. "Very nice charade. I congratulate you. Very quick thinking, Ella E."
Ella E enjoyed the praise. "Well, I saw it in a movie once, I thought it would work...we didn't really have any other option..."
While Kagakusha walked by, she kicked the record player, stopping the music. She seemed almost to be laughing.
"Where have YOU been?" Monty asked her suspiciously.
"Searching for the killer, same as you."
"How do you know there is one?"
She rolled her eyes. "Honestly. Don't you think I would notice four dead bodies lying about in the library? You shrieking every few minutes when something moved?"
Cyrus swore at her for a few moments, thus moving her attention to him. "Oh, that's right. That reminds me."
She pulled a small white square out of her pocket.
"I think this could be worth a lot of money."
"Is that..." Indigo tried to look at it, but Kagakusha turned it so it faced Dr. Dowasure and Cyrus first.
"#$^#!" Cyrus exclaimed in surprise, his blush becoming even more pronounced. "Y'#^$#in' perverted @^#$#, y'took pictures of us!?"
Dr. Dowasure's entire face turned bright red.
"Hee hee..." Kagakusha's laugh was cruel. "It was very amusing. You liked it, didn't you? I could tell. A picture is worth a thousand words...well, hee hee hee, this is worth a fortune."
"Give me that photo, y'#^#$in' $^@#@!"
"Temper temper..." Kagakusha moved easily out of the way of his clumsy grabs. "You'll never get it that way."
Cyrus pulled his gun from his holster.
"There are police present." Kagakusha held a mocking finger towards him. "You want them to arrest you?"
Cyrus paused, his body shaking in fury. He tried to find words or actions to express his anger and could not.
"Now, to photocopy this a few times and distribute it-"
"GIVE ME THAT!" Cyrus lept towards her, but she easily jumped out of his grasp. She slipped into the secret passage behind the painting.
"Nice try! So long!"
Cyrus had to be restrained to prevent him from chasing after her.
"It's too late now. She's long gone."
Cyrus had never used so many swearwords in such quick succession as then.
"I hope that Mrs. White is doing okay." Indigo turned towards the door.
Ella E waved a hand in front of Dr. Dowasure's wildly blushing face. "Hello? You can stop blushing now. Hello? Helloooo?"

~~~

Teishi sat on the couch while Drak picked up the phone.
"This seems kind of odd to me, Drak-sama..." Teishi stared at his superior.
"It does seem kind of weird...that guy's eyes just aren't natural...and I swear I've seen him before. AND his friend."
"I mean...there's something not right about this. I don't know what it is...but I can't shake this feeling I have."
"Don't worry about it, Teishi. Everything'll be fine. Hello, is this the station? Good, I'd like to report a car. No, not stolen. Abandoned."
Teishi sat quietly while Drak filed the report. True to his word, he did not tell them what had been happening.
"Drak-sama...I can't shake this. Something bad is going on here."
"Stop worrying so much." Drak took his hand and pulled him off the couch. "There's nothing wrong."
Drak hugged Teishi comfortingly.
Then the lights clicked off.

~~~

"#$^@!" Cyrus was in an incredibly bad temper now. "I hate these #$^#in' lights!"
There was sound of movement, then a whump as something connected bodily with Cyrus, knocking him to the floor. Cyrus made another exclamation of surprise.
"God #^$@in' #&#$ it, y'#$^#in' idiot, y'nearly scared me t'death!"
Cyrus was soon joined on the floor by everyone else, who had gravitated towards him for protection. However, no one was physically touching him except Dr. Dowasure, who was the one who had knocked him to the floor. He had his arms currently around him and apparently wasn't going to let go.
"Why you all gettin' 'round me?"
"It's safer in groups."
"Sometimes...Bwa ha ha ha!"
"Stop doing that!"
"Tell me when it's over!" Dr. Dowasure's terror-stricken voice was clear.
"Who do you think's going to die now? I think the cops are."
"Are you guys okay?" Atelli stumbled over the large group on the floor and fell across them all, causing many cries of discomfort. Eventually she sat down correctly beside them.
"We're fine."

"I can't believe you DID that!!" Atelli now had found her voice.
"We didn't really have much of a choice. You didn't give us enough time."
"No, I was complimenting you. That was a really good idea. You really made it look real."
Those involved all laughed awkwardly, except Dr. Dowasure who was shivering. "Well..."
"Hopefully, those cops will leave now..."
"Are we just going to hide in this room?"
"I don't think that's a good idea at the moment." A voice that was not Atelli, Ella E, Monty, Indigo, Cyrus, Dr. Dowasure, Radic, or Kagakusha's spoke near them.
Everyone screamed, except Cyrus who swore, and stood, running out of the room in a mad rush.
Cyrus was hampered by Dr. Dowasure, who was still clinging tenaciously to his waist. "Yer goin' t'get us killed! Let go!"
Eventually, Cyrus tripped under the extra weight and fell heavily. He swore angrily for a few moments.
Monty and Ella E ran directly for the ballroom, not thinking of any other place they could go.
Atelli and Indigo ran upstairs, not so stupid as to enter the basement at a time like this. They were vaguely aware of Radic following them.
"What's going on?" Drak held Teishi tighter to him.
"I told you!" Teishi had his eyes shut. "They're going to kill us, Drak-sama!"
In desperation, Drak kicked out the window. He picked up Teishi easily and lept outside, rolling smoothly on the wet grass.
"They aren't going to murder us." Drak smiled as he headed back for his car. "We're too smart for that."
Teishi held onto him adoringly.
The real surprise for Drak was when he returned to where he had parked to find his car had mysteriously disappeared. The two stared at where it had been for a few seconds, then looked around as if expecting it to have moved only a few inches.
"How on earth am I going to explain this to headquarters?" Drak sighed.

~~~

The doorbell rang again, followed by a scream or surprise.
The door swung open slowly. Standing on the door step was a boy with light blond hair and scar running down his face. He smiled brightly despite the fact he was soaking wet, then did a little hop-skip.
"I am your singing telegram-" He began to sing.
A gunshot interrupted his words and he fell to the ground.

~~~

The lights soon clicked back on.
Cyrus tried to remember where he was. The fall had caused him to hit his head rather hard. He swore for a few moments, sitting up.
"This's yer fault, y'know that?" He glared at Dr. Dowasure, who was searching blindly for his glasses. He saw them off to one side and handed them back to him. He took them gratefully.
"I didn't mean to, honestly."
"Oh #$^#." Cyrus turned towards the door. Another body was lying on the front porch. Dr. Dowasure gasped momentarily.
Soon the others who had split up returned back to the center room.
"Another one!"
"That makes five!" Ella E held up a hand. Atelli rolled her eyes.
"What about the cops?"
"Good question..."
Opening the door to the study found that there was no sign of either of them.
"Maybe they got away."
"Maybe the killer hid his body where we can find it and be scared to death by it."
"You think so?" Dr. Dowasure put a hand to his mouth.
"Don't listen to her, she's just paranoid." Atelli rolled her eyes. "Well, we need to drag the new one in..."
Indigo searched the body. "His name was Caleb."
Ella E again looked thoughtful, as did Monty. "Hmmm...that sounds familiar..."
"I don't care if he was Abraham Lincoln. Help me out here." Atelli dragged the body inside. Slowly the guests threw Caleb with the others who had died.
"He was shot."
Everyone looked at Cyrus.
"Wasn't me, no way." He shook his head furiously. "There's proof too, this stupid moron made me trip."
"I did." Dr. Dowasure's voice was soft. "It was an accident, though."
Atelli shook her head.
"I wonder if anyone else is going to die..."
"Oh #$@%."
"What now?"
"Th' rope's missin'."

~~~

Kagakusha entered the darkened billiard room.
"Have you got it?"
"Yes."
"Good. Now my plans can come to fruition."
"Where's my reward?"
The white noose slid around her neck. She didn't even manage to scream.

~~~

The group was wandering despondently, wanting to avoid the room where the bodies were kept.
"I still don't have a #^#$in' clue what's goin' on..."
"Well, neither do I." Atelli shrugged. "I don't think any of us do."
They wandered into the Billiard room.
"YES!" Cyrus shouted happily, pumping his fists. He then pointed at Kagakusha's dead body and laughed hysterically. "In yer face, #$^#@! HA HA HA!"
"Stop doing that Cyrus, you're scaring the children."
"What children?"
"It was a figure of speech." Atelli studied the body. "Hmm...no stab wounds or nothing..."
Dr. Dowasure held up a noose. "Was this it?"
"The rope!"
"Where'd you find that?"
"The fireplace."
They looked at the fireplace, which was currently very uninflamed.
"Apparently someone tried to burn it, then forgot they needed to start the fire first."
"Moron." Cyrus was still ecstatic over Kagakusha's dead body. He then searched her pockets. "#^$#! #$^#$ doesn't have th' $^$#in' pic...she must've hid it somewhere..."
"Isn't anyone concerned over her death at all?" Atelli was struck by the callousness everyone had towards the maid's death.
"Let's throw a party!'
"You don't count." She pointed at Cyrus, who was in too good of a mood to respond.
"Six now!" Ella E held up her hand and another finger. Atelli sighed in frustration. "I know who did it." Radic again scared the heck out of everyone by appearing right in their midst. "I know who killed everyone."
"You DO!?"
"Yes."
"Then who did?"
"Follow me."
~~~ Radic wandered into the library. "Here's where they shot Mr. Boddy..."
"You know about that?"
"While you were gone I investigated the room."
"Aren't you upset?"
"Yes. Sort of."
"SORT OF? He was shot!"
"Let's say...if he were dead, then I would be upset."
The entire party blinked. "He's not dead?"
"No. The bullet grazed him. It apparently has stunned him, so he'll be waking up soon. I suggest you don't tell him what's been happening."
"Good point."
While they walked out, Indigo whispered to Monty. "Grazed him? Looked like it got him full in the back to me."
Monty shrugged. "Maybe Radic is hallucinating..."
Radic moved out of the room to the kitchen. "Then the murderer ran in here, stabbed the two cooks, then took the secret passage here..."
They followed Radic down the passage. "And killed Colt. Then they layed low for a while until they decided to scare you a bit."
"How do you know about it?"
"It was fairly obvious from your hysterical cries."
Everyone in the party felt slightly awkward. "Then they ran through the basement, through the ballroom, then upstairs into the attic."
"How do you know this?"
"I gathered it from what I heard you say."
"How did you hear us?"
"I could hear Ms. Scarlet shouting, then when I listened closer could hear their entire conversation about the curtains."
"Heh. Echo!" Ella E smiled.
"And it wasn't hard to hear Col. Mustard shout his threat towards them, nor hear the killer fall down the attic stairs."'
Radic moved towards the door. "Then they ran outside, hid for a while, and waited as the officers approached. Then they waited until the right moment, flicked off the lights, then were going to kill the officers, but decided to drive their car into the ditch instead."
"How do you know that?"
"It's not a sound you forget."
"How did you hear it? I didn't hear a $^#$ thin'."
"You were all too busy screaming. Anyway, then the telegram boy showed up, so they took Col. Mustard's gun and shot him, then replaced the gun. Then they ran to the billiard room, where they killed Kagakusha."
"This doesn't explain who did this."
"I would think the answer is obvious." Radic shrugged.
"Tell us!"
Radic enjoyed the drama that was building.
"Tell us!" The cry came again.
"It was..."
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TELL US!" Atelli grabbed Radic and shook him roughly. Surprised at her own anger, she dropped him, where he hit his head rather harshly on the floor, knocking him unconscious. There was a pause.
"Nice going."
"#$^#!" Cyrus shouted angrily. "Now we'll never know."
"What's been going on?" Red wandered groggily into the room. "Is everyone okay?"
"NO! 'M SO not #^#$in' okay!" Cyrus was intensely frustrated and, almost miraculously, seemed near tears. "This has been one #$^$in' thin' after another, an' this's th' last #$$#in' straw!"
He pointed at Red. "YER supposed t'be dead!"
He pointed at Radic. "YER supposed t'tell us who th' #$^#in' killer is!"
He pointed at himself. "An' 'M supposed t'get that #$^#in' embarassin' picture an' burn it! God, this's so %^$#in'-"
Red stared as Cyrus collapsed on the floor. Dr. Dowasure patted him on the back, waving to the others.
"Don't worry, all the pressure just kind of got to him."
"Radic!" Red fell to his knees near the unconscious boy, holding his head in his lap. "Who did this?"
Everyone pointed at Atelli, who alternatly pointed at everyone else.
"That's it! Not only have you totally ruined one of my doorknobs, you've injured or killed all my servants! That's...that's terribly..."
"Rude?" Indigo suggested. Red nodded distractedly to her.
"Yes, thank you." He smiled at her. "It's terribly rude!" His voice got angry again. "You're all banished from the premises! Get out!"
"But-"
"GET OUT!"
Awkwardly, the group shuffled by, Dr. Dowasure having to pull Cyrus away as he didn't seem to want to move.
"Geez, Radic, what'd they do to you?" Red brushed some hair of his face. Radic did not respond.
Indigo was looking very indignant as she headed with the others toward the door.
"How incredibly rude."
"Well, I think he has a reason to be upset." Atelli shrugged.
As they were walking out, Red followed to make sure they were really leaving.
"Don't ever come back!"
"It was an accident, really..."
"I don't care-"
The chandelier that had been hanging so precariously abruptly fell, nearly striking Red and knocking everyone else around to the floor.
"I knew that was going to happen eventually." Ella E tried to sound helpful. Red glared at them furiously.
"OUT!"

~~~

The door locked behind them.
"Well, that was certainly odd." Indigo adjusted her feathers. "And we never even learned who the killer was!"
"This doesn't fit any movie I've seen at all." Ella E seemed tormented by this.
"Shh, it's okay. Relax, the picture's probably already been destroyed." Dr. Dowasure was trying to comfort Cyrus, who was so distraught he collapsed against a tree and slipped into some kind of catatonic trance.
"Have you guys seen our squad car?" Drak and Teishi came and joined them.
"Check the ditch."

~~~

"Ow." Kagakusha rubbed her head. She sat up, coughing harshly as Red walked back in the room, carrying Radic with him. "You didn't have pull it so tight."
"I wanted it to look authentic."
Michelle and Gabriella flapped into the room, then took their places near the ceiling.
"You would have thought they would have noticed the knives were fake when they removed them from our backs. Fools." Michelle's voice remained expressionless.
Colt wandered in. "I hope I did a good job acting. I think I overdid it, though. And I better get payed extra for having to suffer them pouring alcohol in my mouth."
"Well, that weird girl kissed me and you don't see me complaining." Red held his hand out to Kagakusha, who moved to where a framed portrait of Red hung on the wall. She pushed the larger picture aside and took out a stash of photos, which she put in his hand. "Besides, the money I make from this should make us all very, very rich."
"I still think this set-up was rather elaborate." Kagakusha rolled her eyes. "The fact I had to fall down the stairs was even a bit much, I think."
"How else do you think we could get this whole thing set-up and make it look real?" Red waved the pictures. "Now we've got infinite blackmail material..."
Radic groaned and sat up. "Where am I...?"
"You did your part very well, Radic." Red kissed him on the cheek. "I'm proud of you."
"What happened? My head hurts..." Radic mumbled.
"I don't understand how you knew they would do that."
"Simple." Radic flipped through the pictures. Indigo, Monty, Ella E, Cyrus, Dr. Dowasure...all in incredibly compromising poses. Even Atelli's shocked expression could be taken out of context. He smiled grimly. "Ella E has seen a lot of movies. No doubt she's seen the one I was thinking of."
"What?" Caleb walked in, wringing some water out of hair.
"What they did is directly out of a movie that my Radic rented her himself." Red ruffled Radic's hair while he spoke. Radic was still trying to figure out where he was. "All I had to do was set it up, and she practically incriminated them all for me."
"Why do you want to blackmail them, anyway? Aren't you rich?"
"Of course I am!" Red laughed. "But you can never have too much money. My only regret is that Radic was injured. That was unexpected."
"Why the name changes?"
"So the police won't find out who they are."
"Why is that important?"
"Why did I have to dress in this stupid costume?!" Caleb blushed angrily, then glared at Colt who laughed at him.
"Why did I have to drive the car into the ditch?"
"How did you survive that shot to the back?"
Red shrugged mysteriously.
"Hmmph." Kagakusha watched the confused group mill outside. "Well, I guess it was funny at moments."
"Believe me..." Red held one of the pictures up to the light. "It'll seem a lot funnier to the right people. And worth a lot more money."

~~~

Prof. Denka is sitting at a desk, his hands folded. He's studying a large blow-up globe, looking very grave. Before he can speak, Red runs forward.
"No no! We've already done a parody of Clue in all it's various forms! We aren't doing the Rocky Horror!"
"But it's my only line!" Prof. Denka bursts into tears.
Red sweatdrops. "This fic is over! Cue the credits!"
"We have credits?" Cyrus' voice comes from one side.
"We do now! Roll them!"
"Um...saying we do is a lot different then having them." Dr. Dowasure's voice comes from the other side. "We can't just wish them into existence, you know."
Red throws his hands in the air.
Before he can speak, Ella E dances across the screen, singing horribly off-key. "And wave 'em like you just don't care, and I don't know the rest of this song, so I'm going to play the bon-gos!"
Cyrus points his gun at her. "Want me to kill her?"
Ella E shrieks and runs.
Red tries desperatly to ignore everything going on behind him. He begins to list off people on his fingers.
"I'll make up my own credits then! Uh...there's BFG, he gave Zar the idea for this fic-"
"Want me to kill him? Cyrus appears on screen, waving his gun wildly. Atelli shoves him to the ground.
"Stop saying that!"
"Don't you #^$#in' shove me!"
Red tries to ignore the chaos behind him. "There's Soshi, who helped Zar out when she was stuck-"
Cyrus dances across the screen, trying to shake a cat-like creature from his leg.
"Get it off, get it off!'
"I loooove yooooou, Cyyyyruuuus!" Soshika shouts.
Red takes the sweatdrop that has been constantly hanging near his head during this entire travesty and throws it at Cyrus, who barely manages to duck. It instead hits Prof. Denka, who falls over backwards. "I'm trying to do the credits here!"
"How many people worked on this thing anyway?" Atelli asks from one side.
"Shoo!" Red shoves everyone away from the lens. "I'm trying to do something! Okay, there's Zar-"
"Red!" Radic stumbles on screen. "Where are you?"
"I'm right here, Radic. Why-" Red turns towards him. Radic promptly throws himself on him, heretofore causing the end of Red's hosting career for the moment as he is interested in something else. Someone else. Whatever.
"Someone has to finish the credits!" Dr. Dowasure points at the camera in terror. Cyrus tries to run off the stage in an effort to escape further embarassment, but instead trips and knocks Dr. Dowasure over with him, which is the complete opposite of what he tried to do. Not that it didn't have it's advantages as well. Kagakusha moves forward, sensing that no one else was willing to continue. "Okay, there's Zarla-"
Namida takes over. "No there isn't. She shouldn't count, because she's the author."
Hana takes back control. "Yes she should, she worked hard on this. She deserves some credit."
Namida. "What are you talking about? Most of this was written in one of her Sunkist-enduced hyperactive states!"
Hana. "It's supposed to be a comedy! She deserves credit, she wrote it!'
Namida. "This isn't comedy, this is insanity! Someone should really commit that vixen before she does anything weirder."
While Kagakusha argues with herself, Atelli takes the screen again.
"Um...yeah, thanks Zarla, or something. Hey, did anyone else work on this?" She calls back to the rest of the cast.
Monty has tripped over the desk and knocked silly, apparently because Colt pushed him, Colt and Caleb fight furiously, while Indigo is getting into a rather indignant argument with Ella E.
"I don't know. How about all the prop people, miss?" Teishi looks at the screen. "Even though I got a bit part, I don't care. I'm not bitter. Really."
Atelli shoves Teishi off-camera, where Drak promptly takes care of him. "There weren't any prop people, this is a fanfic for crying out loud!"
All the prop people, who wander on screen at this point, begin crying hysterically.
Atelli, in her frustration, takes the sweatdrop near her head and bashes anyone nearby, which happens to be Ella E. The argument that came after this will not be recorded as it is hazardous to living beings to hear because it's so...so...so eeeeevil.
Prof. Denka manages to pull himself back upwards, adjusting his glasses. He notes the chaos ensuing, mainly between Cyrus and Dr. Dowasure, Drak and Teishi, and Radic and Red. He opens his mouth to speak, but Michelle and Gabriella land on his head at the same moment, pushing him back under the desk and sufficiently ending any attempt he has to say anything.
The two hop smoothly on the desk, letting themselves look dramatic. Gabriella takes the sweatdrop that Red threw, tests it in her grip, then turns towards the camera.
Michelle's voice does not change at all. "This fic is over."
The sweatdrop flies, shattering the camera and causing the rest to be lost in static.

The End
(Author's Note: Dear GOD, what was I on when I wrote this? Cursed Sunkist and it's strange fic-writing highs. ^_^o This is just plain...plain silly, that's what it is! I must say that da end really cracked me up tho. ^_^ Heh heh. I can never stay serious for long, can I? Garr. Especially with a fic like this.)

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