A: "Oh god, the voices are back! And they're singing pop music!"
Z: "Not again, I won't slay again! NO! STOP SINGING!"
A: It'd drive ME ta murder.
I looked at the clock. It said 5:45. I looked over to my stereo and there stood my sister.
~Z: "She had commonly chosen the stereo as her throne, using it to get a better vantage point of our magnificent kingdom."
A: 5:45 AM? This is AM, right? Or else she's really late.
Z: "She looked like some kind of demonic bird of prey, lording her now superior height advantage over me. Soon, I shall have the kingdom to myself, as the stereo is going into the shop tomorrow."
A: "Caw caw."
Z: "CURSE YOU AND YOUR MOCKERY, FOUL SISTER!"
A: Heh, that's a pun.
Z: Shut up.
"Nimaglar, why the hell are you waking me up this early?" I asked.
~A: "Oh silly, don't you remember? It's naked Thursdays! Come, let me get the oil."
Z: Personal note, Nimaglar ta me sounds like a very unattractive name. I'm not a Tolkein-ite tho, so I can't say if it's accurate or not.
"Mordel, don't you remember today is the day we go to school?" Nimaglar said all too cheerfully.
~A: "The Internationally Hot School of Lesbians? How could I forget!"
Z: A little preoccupied, aren't we?
A: It's da only way ta make this interesting.
Z: Actually, with all da first days of school I've ever had, I've never fergotten when it was. I was dreading it like da plague.
A: Ya ferget, she's HARDCORE!
C: This plot device has been used too many times. It does not interest me whatsoever.
Z: Yer just not HARDCORE!
A: RAWK!
"Yea, I'll be up in a minute." I told her.
~A: Ooo, is she a hermaphrodite too?
Z: Sadly, no. That would almost make this interesting.
C: I believe it's "yeah".
The second she left "sucker."
~A: Better and better!
Z: I bet she's "up" now.
I fell back to sleep.
"MORDEL CELEBNAR, YOU GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" my mother screamed
I mumbled some curses as I climbed out of bed. My parents hate me.
~Z: "No one understands me. My life sucks. KILL ME NOW!" ~darklingchylde5241
A: Secretly, her parents plot ta sell her ta pirates.
C: Why do they hate her? I want more clarification.
Z: Haven't ya been reading this? Heck, I hate her already. I'm surprised her parents haven't locked her in a basement.
A: In the night, they'll come fer her and make her a wench.
They love my sister.
~A: Probably because she isn't HARDCORE!
Z: RAWK!
I should say half-sister because we have the same mother, but different fathers. I got named Mordel, which means Dark horror.
~Z: I'd check this, but that would require far too much effort.
A: I wish my parents named me somethin like Dark Horror. Wouldn't that be akin ta namin yer kid Adolf in taday's society?
Z: Or Pus. Or Cthulhu. Or DARK HORROR.
A: If I was named Lucifer, maybe I'd be HARDCORE too.
C: Dark should not be capitalized, unless Horror is as well.
My sister's name means white brilliance. I think they got the dark part of my name from my hair I have really dark brown hair.
~Z: MY PERIOD! NO! I loved that period like my son.
A: It never had a chance.
My father has dark hair. He's not a human though. Elves don't usually have dark hair.
~C: Yes they do.
Z: ARHGAOURHOUTHAT ::incoherent rage::
I guess I'm special.
~A: Yes, yer "special".
Z: So special, I want ta shoot her in da head. My hair's blue, doesn't make ME special.
A: I don't know why not. That's a pretty freaky color.
Z: I'm HARDCORE SHHH I hate my family.
A: Does yer name secretly mean "Evil Dark Crow Shadow Darkling Death Punk"?
C: Both of you shut up. You're both retarded.
Z: Wouldn't that make me NOT special? *thwak* OW.
I used to live with my dad in Gondor. He was friends with the steward of Gondor. His name was like Denethor or something. So I grew up with Boromir and Faramir. They're Denethor's two sons. I was happy until orcs started attacking Minas Tirith.
~Z: Orcs? ORCS?
A: She handles it with such aplomb. What a trooper.
Z: So wait, it's da first day of school fer this chick and there are ORCS ROAMING ABOUT? What are people doing at SCHOOL? This is like having school with ravenous wolves running about devouring people.
A: Not only that, school's da top concern fer her. "Orcs are attacking a major town, possible slaying hundreds. BUT I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL AND MY PARENTS HATE ME."
My dad and I moved into a village away from Minas Tirith. We thought we were safe there. The orcs apparently couldn't defeat Minas Tirith so they started attacking the smaller villages. My father died when they attacked my village. At the time I was about five. The only reason I wasn't killed was because a group of warriors from Minas Tirith showed up.
~Z: Having flashbacks ta da battle at Helm's Deep now.
A: I think da orcs wanted ta end this story quickly.
Z: Pity they didn't succeed.
C: I'm confused as to this utterly random reference to canon material. It's forced and does not fit into the rest of the story. I dislike this greatly.
Z: She sounds so apathetic concerning her father's death. I guess orc massacres happen all da time.
I was brought back to Denethor. He was going to keep me there and raise me with Boromir and Faramir, but the warrior who rescued me said we should at least contact my mom.
~Z: "She's great in bed. Fantastic. Tell her I said 'Hi'."
A: Hey, she did say that she had two different fathers.
Z: "Yeah, your father's corpse is cooling at my feet here...you might want to call his wife about that or something."
She demanded that I would be sent to her to raise me.
C: That sentence is confusing. Who is the she? It should be reworded.
Z: "So your husband's dead, ma'am."
A: "Oh really? Where's that stupid bint of a girl of mine that I hate so very much?"
Z: "Uh...she's here."
A: "Send her on over."
So I was brought to Mirkwood, where my mom lives. I only went back to Gondor once after I went to live with my mom. I haven't heard from Faramir for about 3 years!
~C: Three.
and I haven't heard from Boromir in ten. Back to the present I got up and got dressed.
~Z: My poor comma...torn from its resting place in that badly formed sentence.
A: ::pats her:: I fear that punctuation will suffer greatly here.
I put on a pair of red windbreakers and a blue baseball t-shirt with red three-quarter sleeves with the word trouble in red glitter on it.
~A: DON'T....CARE....
Z: Despite this bland but basically informative sentence, I can't picture this scrag in my head at all. Unless it's Avril Lavigne with dark "special" hair.
A: STILL...DON'T...CARE...
Then I went down stairs.
~Z: "*whump whump whump*"
"Here." My mother said coldly as she handed me pop tarts. At least they're cooked this time.
~A: "Cause I can't cook my own Pop Tarts. Or make my own breakfast. Because I'm HARDCORE. And my mom likes the toaster."
Z: "Oh god toaster...yes..YES..."
A: "Can I cook something mom? I want to cook these Pop Tarts that are a symbol of your lack of maternal affection."
Z: "NO! NO ONE MUST DESCRATE ITS SACRED METAL INTERIOR! It keeps me warm at night."
After breakfast, I went and put my makeup and shoes on. I put my hair up in a bun. I grabbed some of my stuff and went downstairs. I put it in the wagon. Once I got all my stuff in, I went to check my room to see if I left anything. I didn't.
~A: DON'T....CARE...
Z: I don't know how ya could make this interesting or think it WOULD be interesting. Unless she fell down da stairs or somethin. Or an orc jumped outta her closet.
C: This sentence structure and formation is childish, repetitive, and very boring.
"Yo Nimaglar, You ready?" I yelled.
"Probably not." A male voice said behind me.
~Z: "'And neither are YOU!' He hissed as he wrapped the wire around my throat. I scrabbled helplessly and tried to call for help, but my mother was too busy humping the toaster."
A: They never saw her again. Tragic really.
I turned and saw Legolas. He and I are best friends. When I moved to Mirkwood from Gondor, he was really nice to me and showed me around. We just kind of hit it off.
"You got all your stuff?" I asked him as I helped him put his stuff in the wagon.
~Z: A wagon? Does she have a backpack? A WAGON? What da heck.
"Yea." He said.
C: Not again.
"Shocking. You didn't forget anything and you're on time." I said amazed. Legolas usually either forgets something or is late.
~A: My god! Da fact that he didn't forget anything and he's on time definitely needed to be explained again, because I certainly didn't get it da first time!
C: Repetitive and pointless.
"Ha ha very funny." He said sarcastically.
"Nimaglar, hurry up!" I yelled.
"Yea Nimaglar, are you ready yet?" Legolas yelled.
~C: Yeah.
"I'm here." Nimaglar said.
I rolled my eyes. She is such a ditz.
~Z: Saying "I'm here" like that! SO STUPID PREPPY OMG
A: NOT HARDCORELOL
Legolas and I grabbed her bags in the wagon.
"Legolas, you brought the amp right?" I asked.
We both play the guitar. He's got an amp I don't so we share his.
~Z: ::writing poster:: Missing...comma. Please...report...if...seen...
A: We're never gonna see it again. Let it go.
We tried to get my sister to play, but she wouldn't.
~Z: "The lesbian sex took up too much of her time."
A: Playing guitars is HARDCORE!
Z: No wonder! I don't need clarification of why she wouldn't at all now! She's not HARDCORE!
"Do you have everything?" I asked Nimaglar.
"Yes." She said annoyed that I was making her drive the wagon and Legolas and I got to ride our horses.
I have a black horse, Legolas has a tan horse and my sister has a white horse.
~Z: Wait wait...they have POP TARTS...but have to ride HORSES.
C: The in-continuities in this fic only serve to make it weaker.
A: Horses are HARDCORE!
Z: Pop Tarts...Horses. Pop Tarts...wagon. Horses...make up. Horses...stereo. WHAT ON EARTH-
A: Don't try, yer brain will pop.
My horse's name is Morkhelek or Dark Ice. I got that by combining my name and my father's name. Mordel and Carankhelek. Legolas' horse is named Arien after the Maiar of the sun. Nimaglar's horse is named Nenuial, which means water twilight.
~C: This information is not important and does not come back later. It's useless and only irritates the reader by making them pick up information they don't need for no reason.
A: I put that much thought into my names. It's HARDCORE!
Z: So tell me Alix, what did ya name yer Lapras again?
A: Boaty.
Z: Yer Onix?
A: Rocky.
Z: Yer Raticate?
A: Ratty.
Z: Yer Vigoroth?
A: Slacky.
Z: Yer Raltz?
A: Raltzy.
The ride was peaceful until I started singing.
~Z: "It's great to be a nerd, it's great to be a nerd! I'M A HOBBIT! ::nerdy snorting giggles::"
A: She's not a nerd, she's HARDCORE!
C: Such glaring in-continuities...the occasional nods to canon are insulting to say the least.
Z: Hey, she's fulfilled a Mary Sue so far. She's special AND she can sing! I bet she has a lovely voice.
A: Ugh, just kill me.
"He was boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? He was a punk. She did ballet. What more can I say? He wanted her. She'd never tell secretly she wanted him as well. But all of her friends. Stuck up their nose. They had a problem with his baggy clothes."
~A: NO PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW! ::struggles to run::
Z: Jesus.
C: I find the fact she's singing Avril Lavigne while riding a horse with Legolas insulting to say the least.
Z: Avril Lavigne is...god, I can't talk anymore. My tongue feels *poisoned*.
Legolas rolled his eyes. He was used to me doing really stupid shit. By my standards this is very normal for me anyway.
~Z: "Pssh, singing is STUPID. STUPID!"
A: *I* think singing Avril Lavigne is stupid.
Z: I think this fic would be improved if Legolas now acted like a flamboyant pouf with a limp wrist and a lisp.
A: That's yer answer ta everything.
My sister just kept telling me to shut-up. Who really cares about her though?
"Oh, You're such a great singer Mordel." Said a sarcastic female voice. I turned my head. It was my friend Eilin. She's a human. She has long curly red hair and bright emerald green eyes. She acts more like an elf than I do. Her mother was a hippie so she likes the earth, inscent candles, and stuff like that.
~C: More information that I do not need. Perhaps if her mother influenced her behavior then this would be relevant, but it's only boring. I dislike lectures in my fiction. It's also "incense", by the way.
Z: I like how there are hippies in Middle Earth now. I knew it all along. I knew what all that stuff about pipe weed was about.
A: Duh. That's why hobbits never went on adventures.
Now that I think about most of my friends are humans.
~Z: Oh god! Now a whole WORD has gone missing! Where's my "it?"
A: If ya love it, let it go.
The only other elves I hang out with are Legolas, some of his friends, and a couple girl elves from Mirkwood. That's really it. I just don't like dwarfs. The ones I have met are arrogant and they hate elves.
~A: "And dwarfs are ugly and hairy and OMGTHEYSTINKOMG"
Z: What happened to Gimli? Does he just not exist here? He likes elves.
C: Gimli is unattractive, therefore is not allowed in this kind of fiction. Her dislike of dwarfs may be another pathetic nod to canon, although here it only comes off as pretentiously arrogant.
A: Poor Gimli.
Z: ARGH.
It's not that I don't like hobbits I just haven't met that many.
~Z: Another period forever lost.
"Hey Eilin. How was your summer?" I asked.
"It was great. I went to Rohan to visit Eowyn and Celebwen. I also went to Gondor to Malelen." Eilin replied.
I can't believe she visited the whole girl section of the crew. The only ones she didn't visit were Tindomerel and I. None of us really like Tindomerel that much. She is one of the girl elves from Mirkwood. She's nice and I like her but she gets annoying after awhile.
~A: DON'T...CARE...
Anyway, I was kind of pissed that I'm one of the few she didn't visit. Wait, she didn't mention anyone from Mirkwood that she visited. Is she just prejudice against Mirkwood elves? Now, I'm pretty pissed. She'll get tired soon. I'll just ignore her until then.
~Z: "NO ONE CAN IGNORE ME! NO ONE! NOOOOOO ONNEEEEE"
"Who's the twerp?" Eilin asked.
'Hey Legolas and I are the only ones that can call her names!' I thought to myself.
"That's my sister, Nimaglar. Don't call her a twerp." I said coldly.
~Z: If this chick doesn't even know her sister, why on earth does Mordel care if she visited or not? They obviously aren't da closest of buddies. Jeez.
A: Pff, twerp is such a pansy insult.
C: I find Mordel's reaction unbelievable and rather irritating, not to mention inconsistent with Eilin's behavior.
A: She's on da rag.
Z: Al-...actually, I'd believe that.
"So, you're going into eighth grade?" She asked Nimaglar.
"No, I'm a freshman." Nimaglar corrected her.
"Why didn't you start last year?"
"I wanted to stay in Mirkwood last year."
~A: GOD...DON'T...CARE...
"You're kinda dorky, did you know that?"
~Z: That was rather random.
A: "You're kinda hot, did you know that?"
Z: "Shh...Mom and the toaster are watching."
"Lenémë ta. Arata ná lá alcarinqua." I said to Nimaglar. (Leave it. She is not bright.)
Nimaglar and Legolas laughed a little.
~Z: Quenya is HARDCORE.
A: Man, making fun of people in other languages makes me SUCH A REBEL! Wait, no, it makes me an arrogant jerk. Shiest.
Eilin wasn't too happy. She doesn't understand Quenya. She really isn't that smart. She does well in school. I do better though. However, I get in a lot more trouble so she has more study time then I do. She doesn't live in detention.
"I'm getting tired. Can we rest awhile?" Eilin asked.
"You can." I said still pissed at her.
~Z: Another comma, lost to the ages.
A: Wow, "you can" truly puts da fear of god into my heart.
"What?!?" She asked shocked and pissed.
"You heard me." I snapped at her.
"Tulin or Nimaglar. Nar le hótuli Legolas?" I asked and commanded the other two.
(Come on Nimaglar. Are you coming Legolas?)
~C: I find this display of Quenya disgustingly boastful. I would much prefer if she simply indicated they were speaking in Quenya such like..."
Z: How can someone ask and command at da same time?
A: IT'S HARDCORE!
"Uma." Legolas replied.
(Yes)
I started riding the other two followed. First we were riding in silence. Mainly because they both knew when I got that pissed to give me time to cool off.
~Z: Yeah, I was runnin in fear back there. She sure scared ME! She must be terribly angry ta tell someone ta go away! OH GOD!
A: She's definitely bleeding. Crotch city.
"What happened back there?" Legolas asked.
"Did you notice that she happened to visit all of the girls in our group except for the ones in Mirkwood?
~Z: OMG so not kewliez.
I can understand not going to see some of the girls in Mirkwood and not seeing any of the guys. She said that her and I were best friends. I can't believe she did that! Does she have a problem with people or something? Is it because I'm an elf?
~A: Fer someone so hardcore, she sure cares about her reputation. I think someone's got low self-esteem.
Z: This logic is so bad, I can't even try ta piece it tagether. Jeez. I mean, this girl said nothing about bein best friends. NOTHIN! I think Mordel is just CRAZY.
A: I wish. She's just on da rag.
Z: Same thing.
Then she went and insulted Nimaglar. I can do that because I'm her sister. You can because you're practically family. What made her think she had the right to do that?
~Z: "You called my sister a twerp! DUEL TO THE DEATH!"
A: You will die, sir!
Z: "Oh, Mr. Bully? You're not family or close personal friends, so you can't call me names. Ouch, my pretty elf nose!"
Regardless of what she wants to think she isn't princess of Middle-Earth. Watch she probably became friends with Arwen." I ranted. I was starting to get upset.
~Z: I thought she was already upset.
A: "Watch she probably became?" I want my comma back.
Z: Agh, my brain hurts.
Legolas stopped his. I stopped mine.
~Z: Stopped his...?
A: His raging passion, obviously. It was too powerful ta put inta words.
We both got off.
~Z: "Our heads banged together with a coconut-like sound. It was pleasing on some primal level."
A: "AAAH!"
Z: "Cobblestones?"
A: "We should take this road more often."
He gave me a hug and told me it was going to be okay.
~Z: I can totally feel it. Da emotion, man. This scene totally does it for me.
C: Her emotionless and boring writing style makes lines like this unintentionally amusing.
This brought back painful memories from eighth grade.
I had a boyfriend in eighth grade named Estel. He was a human. The problem was that Arwen Undomiel, daughter of the headmaster, also liked him. Estel is the headmaster's, Elrond's, foster son. When Elrond found out about this whole problem, He sent Estel to an all boy's school in Rohan. I didn't see him after that. We never broke up. He told me that he'd always be with me. I wasn't sure if he'd stick to it. In the beginning, we wrote to each other as often as possible. After awhile, his letters were few and far between. One day, he stopped writing all together. I assumed he found some one else so I began to date again. Tons of boyfriends later I still couldn't find anyone to take Estel's place. Now I'm a senior and I promised myself I would find someone this year.
~A: Zzzzz...
Z: God, haven't heard THAT before. This is every bad teen novel ever written.
A: We need a serial killer.
Legolas holding me and telling me it would be all right brought back the painful memories because it reminded me of Estel.
~Z: "He had the same slim, effeminate arms, and had the same high, girly voice. His hair was also long, although it was very dirty."
A: Will not wash hair till I am KING!
Estel used to do the same thing when I got upset. Eru, I loved that boy.
~Z: JUST SAY GOD! IT'S NOT THAT HARD! It doesn't make you COOL OR SPECIAL to replace one word and pretend you changed the meaning! AGRUAHRUOAHTUOAGUGF
A: Whoa, calm down.
Z: It bugs me. IT REALLY BOTHERS ME. If ya said somethin like "As the mighty Eru could only understand, I loved that boy." I might be able ta let it slide, but this is just replacing God with Eru! ARGUAHTOAUHT THISNIAiT ::frothes::
I have to get over it though. I'll probably never see him again.
~A: "There was that letter that said 'Never write to me again, you stupid whore', but I bet he was just using a new nickname."
Z: Fatalism, my friend and yers!
A: "I'll never see him again. No one loves me. He could never love me. My soul is so black and empty. My parents hate me." ~darklyngchylde175
Elrond won't put him back in my school. I really have to stop dwelling in the past.
~Z: Please...please fer da love of god stop dwelling. It's not interesting. It's BORING.
"Thanks Legolas." I whispered to him before we broke apart.
Soon we were riding again. A little while later we saw Rivendell. The school was set somewhat far away from the actual city. We're allowed to go into the city on weekends and twice during the weekdays.
~A: "Archie and the gang always hung out at Pop's. They always get into such mischief! Why just the other day, Betty and Jughead had a bet-"
Z: Rivendell, not Riverdale.
A: Tell me ya could tell da difference and maybe I'll believe you.
I sneak out and go to the club a lot. I just really like clubs.
~A: "I can make a lot of money at the Naughty Cabaret. I'm quite good at the pole-dance."
Z: If only. That might make this interesting.
We are finally at the school.
We got our stuff out of the wagon after we had put the horses away.
~Z: Of course schools have stables. We're in MIDDLE-EARTH AFTER ALL!
C: I see no evidence of such. And the abrupt tense change irritates me.
Legolas is down the hall from me. We took my sister to her room.
"If you need us, you can come get us. Okay?" I told her.
"Yea."
No matter how annoying she is and how much more are parents like her, she's still my sister. Therefore, I have to be nice to her. Also, I remember my first year here. I wish I had had an older sister with me.
~A: DON'T...CARE...
Z: Dude, what are ya talkin about? This is important CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! See, she's not all bad, she's got a HEART OF GOLD! Duh.
A: Still...don't...care.
C: "...how much more our parents like her, she's..."
Legolas and I had to go to the top floor. My sister was on one of the lower floors. I was happy I only had to share my room with one person this year. Unfortunately, it could be someone I hate. When you're a senior it's two to a room, for juniors it's three, so on and so fourth. Hey, separate rooms this year!
~A: REALLY...DON'T...CARE.
Z: Do high schools actually do this?
A: ::confers with knowledgable source:: No. No they don't.
C: More information I don't need.
"Hello?" I called nobody answered.
~C: "I called. Nobody answered."
I checked out both rooms. I decided I liked the one on the right better. So that's the one I picked.
~Z: "Most people would be put off by a large rotting bison, but I think it adds to the ambience."
A: And it's hardcore. HARDCORE!
There were white boards on the doors. I wrote 'Mordel's room. Buzz off!' Truly a me thing to say or write. See I not a girly girl. I'm slightly hardcore.
~Z: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
A: Oh god, that's rich.
C: "See, I'm not a girly girl." This is beginning to irritate me.
Notice I don't say I am hardcore. I am only slightly hardcore.
~Z: That's why she cries on Legolas' shoulder. And likes getting hugs.
A: And goin ta strip clubs.
I'm hardcore compared to most of the girls in this school though.
~Z: OMG they prep HATE HATEZORS lol
I noticed one of my bags was missing. So, I went to Legolas' room. It wasn't Legolas who answered the door. It was Eomer. Eomer is Eowyn's brother.
C: "Eomer, Eowyn's brother, answered the door to my surprise." Three meaningless and irritating sentences condensed into one.
"Hey Eomer, is Legolas there?" I asked.
"Yea. Legolas, Mordel is here to see you." Eomer called over his shoulder.
"Is Eowyn here yet?" I asked him.
"I dunno. I left before her."
"Oh."
"Hey Mordel." Legolas said.
"Hey Legolas, did you take one of my bags by accident?"
"No. Maybe your sister did."
"I'll go ask her. Bye guys!" I said as turned to go to Nimaglar's room.
~Z: My brain is dying.
A: So...boring...
Z: How could anyone think this is interesting? Why would anyone feel da need ta TELL us this?
A: She's tryin ta hide da fact there's no plot.
I was walking down the hall when to guys bumped into me.
~C: Two.
They looked alike. Must be brothers I thought. They both were humans and had muscular builds. They both had brown hair. One had Lighter hair and was taller.
"Watch where you're going." The shorter one snapped.
"Fuck off." I told him.
"I'm sorry. Do you know how to get to room E3?"Said the taller one.
~A: "They're having a big expo there or something. I think I'm late."
Z: I love how they don't even react to her blatantly hostile response. I'm sorry? Jeez.
"Yea, that's right next to my room. It's down the hall and on the left side. I'm guessing you're new I haven't seen you before." I said.
~Z: "I know everyone at the school of course. Cause I'm HARDCORE."
A: "And by know, I mean KNOW, baby."
C: Another misplaced period.
"This is our first year." The taller one said.
"I'm Mordel. If you need anything I'm right across the hall, literally. I've got to go now. Bye." I said
"Thanks, bye." Taller one said.
I went to my sister's room and I heard yelling inside so I opened the door. I saw three of the five roommates yelling at each other.
~Z: "The other two were engaged in heavy, intense sex in an effort to defuse the tension. It certainly got ME hot and bothered."
A: This isn't a lemon, Zar. I guess there IS a god.
Z: Mr. She's-a-Lesbian?
A: Lesbianism does not a lemon make.
"Is there a problem here?" I said loudly enough to be heard over them.
~Z: "The moans were kind of a contest, but I can out-moan anyone."
A: "Oh god YES! YEEEEEESSS!"
Z: "That's what I THOUGHT!"
"Yea, we all want the same bed." Said a human with blonde hair.
"Okay, do either of you two that aren't fighting want the bed?" I asked.
A hobbit girl said she would like to have it.
~Z: "between moans, but it was hard to tell whether she was speaking to me or the huge orc pleasuring her."
A: Orcs don't go to this school, they're too busy killing people.
So I gave it to her. Then told the fighting ones to go to random beds.
~A: "Considering I'm some random girl who just walked into the room, they instantly listened to me."
Z: She's HARDCORE remember? Everyone must listen to the HARDCORE GIRL.
A: If someone came into MY room and told me ta sleep on da sucky bed, I'd pop her one in da kisser.
Z: I can't believe ya talk like that.
A: Ta da moon, Alice!
I went over to my sister and asked her about the bag. Turns out she had it. So she gave it to me. Right before I left I told them not to switch beds unless both people willingly agreed to it. I went back up to my room.
~Z: Riveting. I could not have lived without this harrowin search fer da missin bag.
A: "The CIA agents would surely have me eliminated if I had lost the cocaine. Now, where was the sting again...?"
Right after I put my bag in my room, my roommate showed up. It was my friend Celebwen.
~Z: Cheap shot, but that seems like such a stupid name. Regardless if it's Tolkein-based or not. I mean, I could live with Celeborn, Celebrian, Celeben, but CeleBWEN? It sounds like Elmer Fudd.
The one Eilin visited. Celebwen is very pretty. She's human, but looks like an elf. She has long straight blonde hair and sapphire blue eyes. She was thin but not anorexic. Everyone considered her to be beautiful.
~A: There are so many beautiful people here.
Z: "As I stared at her massive heaving breasts, I knew I had to have her. Screw the CIA, I had to get me some of THAT!"
A: I thought elves were supposed ta be on some other realm of beauty apart from humans.
Z: Shhh, it's a fic.
Then again people say I would be pretty if I cared about my looks. Well, that's kind of true. I am pretty but, I don't really care what people think of me so I don't' care about my looks too much.
~Z: So she's pretty, sings, smart, doesn't care about her looks, AND hardcore! WOW! I've never read that before in my life!
A: Boring. So very boring.
Celebwen and I fight a lot. We act like sisters. We are so different that we argue constantly, but that's why we like each other so much.
~A: "The thrown lamps are only manifestations of our pure, lesbian love."
Z: "Baby, you hurt me just now when you hit me with that shovel."
"Oh great, the preppie for a roommate." I said when I saw her.
"Oh no, the detention queen." She said.
We both cracked up. It's an inside joke. I hold the title detention queen and she is very preppie so I call her the preppie.
~A:
Z: I've never seen someone who got inta detention all da time in a fic before! OH WOW! This is so groundbreaking.
C: Mere static stereotypes for characters. This bores me to no end.
"Which room is mine?" she asked.
"The one on the left."
"Thanks."
The coolest thing though is there is like a living room. Okay, see theirs is room
~C: There's.
and then on the far wall there are two doors, which lead to the bedrooms. In the room that not a bedroom,
~C: That's.
there is a couch television, bookcase, all sorts of stuff. We each had our own bathrooms. I went into my room and started unpacking.
There was suddenly a knock at the door.
"I got it." I yelled to Celebwen.
There was a guy standing there. He looked familiar but I wasn't sure if I knew him or not.
"May I help you?" I asked.
"Uh...yea, is this Mordel Celebnar's room?"
~Z: "Yeah, but it's twenty bucks for the night, thirty bucks for a special screw. You're not into kink, are you?"
A: "Wait, does not my sign clearly say, BUZZ OFF with my name in scary sharp letters?"
"Yea, I'm Mordel." I said giving him a strange look.
"I'm Estel." The guy said.
"Yea, sure." I said as I rolled my eyes.
~C: "Yeah, sure."
A: C'mon, can't ya focus on something else?
C: If she wrote this and expects people to read it, she should know proper grammar and punctuation.
Did he really expect me to believe him? Arwen probably put this guy up to it.
"It's really me, Mordel." He said.
"Okay if you're really Estel what did you tell me right before you got sent to Rohan?"
~C: "Okay, if you're really Estel, what did you.."
"That I'd always be with you."
"Where did we first kiss?"
"In the school gym while I was helping you with basketball."
"What is the purple deodorant incident?"
"Someone switched my deodorant which when I sweated turned purple. When I sweated I had purple marks under my arm."
He is getting these all right. I know something only the real Estel would know.
"Who switched your deodorant?"
"You and Legolas."
"Oh my Eru!
~Z: GOD! SAY GOD YOU STUPID TEENYBOPPERPUNKABTUA-
A: Jeez, get over it.
Z: ::fumes::
It's really you!" I squealed as I gave him a hung.
~A: Boioioioing.
Then I hit him in the head.
~A: WHICH head?
Z: Not a lemon.
A: Don't take this away from me, it's all I have left.
"What the hell was that for?" He asked rubbing his head.
"Why did you stop writing to me?" I asked.
"What are you talking about? You stopped writing to me." He said. It suddenly dawned on me.
"Arwen." I said.
"What does she have to do with this?" He asked. You could tell he was confused. I told him about how she had liked him and she probably stopped the letters.
"That doesn't sound like Arwen."
"Yes it does."
~Z: "And I'm always right, so THERE!"
A: Arwen - stereotype evil priss queen.
C: Tolkien would be rolling in his grave.
"Hey Mordel, I'm getting something to eat, do you want to come?" Celebwen asked.
"I guess." I answered.
"Estel do you want to come?" I asked.
"Yea."
C: Another missing comma, and again the misspelling of Yeah.
"Celebwen, Estel. Estel Celebwen. I just want to change. Wait for me." I said as I ran to my room. I threw on a pair of jean shorts and a white tee shirt that said Mind... on the front with a cartoon tiger sitting there peacefully and on the back the tiger was ready to pounce and said ...your own business. I took the bun out combed my hair and put it in a clip.
~A: I DON'T CARE! NO ONE CARES!
Z: Jeez, if these clothes were in any way important or interesting, then maybe a paragraph like this wouldn't just be irritating.
A: Besides, that shirt sounds very teeny-bopperish. It's not HARDCORE!
Z: RAWK!
I did all this rather quickly because I'm an elf.
~Z: No seriously, sit and read this sentence and tell me ya don't laugh just da tiniest bit.
A: Does this mean that elves have sex quickly?
Z: "Gimli, quick! While they're distracted!" *unf unf unf*
"What was that?"
"Orcs!"
A: It wasn't hoofbeats Aragorn heard...
"Ready guys." I said as I walked out of my room.
The three of us walked down to the cafeteria. We got our food. Celebwen started to walk to where Eilin was eating and looking very lonely.
"I won't sit with her." I said to Celebwen. She gave me a shocked look. I really did feel bad for Eilin but she still acted like a bitch.
~Z: "Imagine! Someone I vaguely know visiting everyone but ME! I'M IMPORTANT! ME! MEEEEEEE!"
A: And she called her sister a twerp. Don't ferget that grave offense.
I wasn't quite ready to forgive her yet. I really felt bad for Celebwen she had to choose between friends.
~Z: "But screw her, this is about ME! MEEEEEEE!"
She chose to sit with me. Legolas, Eomer, Eowyn, and my friend, Malelen, were already at a table so we sat at that table.
Malelen is a human from Gondor. She had black hair. Her hair is actually light brown. She dyes it. It is to her shoulder. She has light green eyes. I have pale blue eyes. She is really into fashion. She is tall for a human.
The height order for the main girls in our group from tallest to shortest is Me, Malelen, Celebwen, Eowyn, and Eilin.
~A: DON'T CARE! NO ONE CARES!
C: All this extraneous information bores me. I no longer want to read this. I pity any reader who has come this far in hopes of something interesting.
"Hey guys. This is Estel." I said.
"I don't know the one with black hair."
"Hi, I'm Malelen. Welcome to our school." Malelen said. You could always count on her to be nice.
Estel and Legolas started talking about everything since they had seen each other. Malelen, Eomer, and Eowyn started talking about the ride here. Celebwen and I were talking about why I wasn't talking to Eilin. I don't think she took sides. I didn't really expect her to.
~A: God, I don't care. Don't CARE.
Z: Ya know, WHY is Estel back anyway? Why did Elrond let him back? Arwen's obviously still goin here. Why?
A: It's dramatic. Duh.
"Do you guys know who Eilin is rooming with?" Malelen asked.
~Z: "OMGLOL NO WHO?"
A: Some other chick. Hot lesbian antics ensue.
Nobody knew except her and Eowyn that means they're probably roommates whoever rooms with Malelen always knows the latest news and gossip. Malelen always knows everything.
"She's rooming with Doredhel. You know that Airhead friend of Arwen's." Malelen said.
Most of them felt bad for her, Estel looked confused, Legolas and I laughed. They all looked at us strangely. After I finished eating whatever it was, I went back to the dorm.
~Z: These paragraphs are so anticlimactic. I feel cheated.
The shorter guy out of the two guys I met before was outside his dorm. It was kind of weird because he was just standing there. He wasn't trying to get in. He wasn't going anywhere.
"Do you need help?" I asked him.
"NO." He snapped at me.
"Eru, you have an attitude problem."
~Z: ::incoherent rage::
"I do not." He said as he made a scowl.
I laughed. He reminded me of Boromir. I missed him a lot.
"What's so funny?" he asked
"Nothing. You just reminded me of someone I used to know. Are you sure you don't help?" I said.
"I don't need your help."
"Fine. I'll leave."
I went inside my room got into my pajamas, got a blanket, and picked a movie. I chose Scary Movie 2.
~A: The queen of movies for sure.
Z: Why not just put on MTV?
A: This is not Middle Earth. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE that with ORCS SLAYING PEOPLE a stupid parody of scary movies like Scary Movie 2 would EVEN COME ABOUT! Wouldn't slasher movies be about *orcs*?
C: You ask too much of this haphazard fic.
I heard the short guy cursing about the stupid door and key. He must have been locked out. I got a hairpin from my room.
"You're locked out aren't you?" I asked.
"I forgot my key so."
"Move."
"Why?"
"Because I'll open the door for you."
With reluctance, he moved. I started picking the lock with the hairpin after a minute I got it opened.
"Thanks." He mumbled almost incomprehensibly.
~Z: "That was an incredible blowjob."
A: "Well, working a lock DOES get boring sometimes."
Z: "I don't think my 'door' is open yet."
A: "Fine, but this'll cost another twenty."
"You're welcome."
I went back into my dorm and started to watch my movie. About five minutes in Celebwen came in.
"Hey." I called to her.
"Whatcha watchin?" She asked.
"Scary Movie 2"
"I love that movie." She said as she ran to change into her pajamas. A minute later she joined me on the couch. When the movie was over we got up.
"Damn that movie's funny." I said.
"Yea." She said with a yawn.
~Z: I'm so there. I'm totally there with them. This description is just pulling me in.
"Night." I said as I walked to my room.
"G'night."
I fell asleep almost instantly when I laid down on the bed.
It's great to be back.
~A: Why? So far all she's done is whine about some friend who didn't even actually DO anything ta her.
Z: She found her old boyfriend.
A: Whom she greeted with all da excitement of a pelican.
Z: She...uh...met her roommate.
A: Who has personality of said pelican.
Z: Oh yeah, don't ferget her death-defying search fer her missing bag. I was on da edge of my seat.
A: Maybe it picks up later.
Z: No. No it doesn't. Sad to say.
C: On the whole, the writing style is incredibly childish with simplistic and repetitive sentences. She cannot set up a scene correctly, introduce a character, establish any kind of personality, and uses a plot that is both trite and vastly overused. The inconsistencies between canon and the "alternate-universe" make this seem like a normal high school where the names have been switched. It's insulting. She also has problems with punctuation and capitalization.
Z: And I just thought it was dumb.
C: I'm not disagreeing.
A/N- hoped you liked it. Reviews are appreciated.
~Z: "R/RPLZKTHKSLOL"
A: "Unless they're flames then DIE!"
Z: Don't ferget "SHE'S NOT A MARYSUE OMG ::cry::"
C: I hope there isn't more of this.
Z: I wish I could reassure ya, but sadly, there is.
~Dun dun dun~
::curtains close::